Wednesday, May 31, 2006
I came home from work last night, went online for a bit, laid down at like 6 and just woke up an hour ago (Its 7AM). Actually I'm still sleepy. I didn't even get to run last night, which is fine, I don't need so much cardio these days, and am thinking about maybe switching to 3 times a week. I can't believe it's Wednesday already .. and I guess there will be no WBW today, just not feeling so motivated atright now *YAWN*.
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eh what the hell, here is a wedding photo of my great grandparent's from 1917. Funny how the bride was taller than the groom. He died about 10 years after this photo, the result of some suspicious illness. I actually knew her, she lived to be over 90, but by the time I came around her mind was gone, sad but oh well, she was quite the businesswoman from what I've been told, cashing in on the misfortunes of others during the great depression. The banks would call her when they were about to forclose on a home and she would scoop it up, her real estate company posessed 20 properties at any given time all through the 30's and 40's. How fascinating was she?




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anyway, I'm in slow mode this morning, drinking tea, need a shower, running late. It's going to be a long ass day I can tell. I'll be training the Company owner's 19 year old nephew for the next couple weeks, he's been forced by his mother to work in IT the whole summer with us, perhaps to learn a bit about the business, he talks an awful lot tho .. but maybe that's not such a bad thing, makes the time pass a bit more quickly.

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Laters :)

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Monday, May 29, 2006

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Happy Memorial Day everyone, and let us not lose sight of it's purpose, to remember and honor the selfless sacrifices which so many men and women have gallantly made in the name of this great nation and its people.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
The rest of Yesterday..

My younger son & I saw this yesterday (because we love Horror Flics) and while it was his idea (I was pushing for Poseidon) and I didn't have very high hopes, the film was enjoyable enough. We hit Taco Bell for lunch and then watched a bit of National Treasure back here at the condo. We also talked a bit about what happened yesterday, he is as confused as to what I have done to warrant the outburst as I am, but in any case we had a great time just hanging out. Having him with me yesterday helped much.
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After dropping my son off I came home, made some dinner (A Mexican type concotion with grilled Chicken, some frozen vegetables, Salsa and Rice) and then signed on to one of my sites to answer a couple genealogical inquiries. Interestingly enough, a notable Hollywood film producer has discovered roots in my late grandmother's native Sicilian village and needed some assitance in researching his lines further. We were both very pleased with the results of the research, tracing his family back about 150 years rather quickly.
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Haven't really had time today to put a post together, I woke up rather late, my son and I have been pretty busy driving around looking for some hot Pepper plants for my Aunt, eating lunch and watching movies. It's really amazing spending some one on one time with him for a change, we have rarely had the chance in the past. Tomorrow is another day and well, a more substantial post.
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Laters :)
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Saturday, May 27, 2006
What a day..

You never see it coming when History repeats itself, despite the obvious fact that given certain identical circumstances will nearly always result in (at the very least) similar situations or results. So I decided to share an experience and then illustrate my point.
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My father left my mother when I was 3 (yea ok not this old story again, bear with me) and came out almost immediately as a Gay Man. It wasn't until several years later that I learned the particular circumstances (naturally) of their split, and when I did (being 1970something) it really didn't affect me so much as I definitely had no concept as to what "being Gay" was. I mean, I was 9 years old.
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I even remember telling all some of my friends, as if it were something interesting to claim, setting me apart from them because I had a Gay dad. I can only imagine what their parents thought when these kids returned home, sharing my revelation. It didn't matter, he was my Dad, whatever it meant, I still loved him (obviously) and despite the fact that he was never on time, missed our weekly visits more than not, and reluctantly dished out $25. a week in child support he could do no wrong in my book. Then there was the distance factor, he always seemed distracted, sad, "immature", and never serious. I had major issues with him which I did not face until well after his death. SO.. moving right along.
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When I hit about 13 I began to mature (naturally) and understand things much more clearly. It also ushered in the period where Dad had moved back from Boston and lived locally. The Gay "factor" with my father was even more pronounced at this point, he often would bring men with us on our Saturday afternoons. He became somewhat of a sad and broken man, never having much money and often appearing down and unhappy. I do believe he truly was in a very dark place, sort of broken because of the recent business failures he had suffered, and relying heavily upon his parents for supplemental support.
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Of course at that time my mother and step-father were not so pleased with the way in which my father was coducting himself around me, often portraying him in a completely negative light. They were a stable married couple, and he was a lost soul, they were my foundation and he was well, the land of fun and imagination. He had no money, lived in a tiny apartment atop on of his father's rental properties and was most importantly GAY. It didn't take me long to adopt many of their opinions on my Dad's "character".
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I went to my Aunt (his sister) at age 14 and told her that I was ashamed that my father was Gay, and that I didn't want to see him anymore. I remember treating him completely differently, thinking in my mind I had no reason to respect him anymore and accordingly made a few pretty hurtful comments during our visits. I don't think he realized the motivation behind these comments, as I had yet to confront him with the fact that I knew he was Gay, and he took them in stride. All I knew was that while this man was my father, I thought less of him. Why did I think less of him? Part of it was my age, and another part was that it pleased my mother in some way, or at least that was my perception at the time. He died shortly after my 15th birthday as a result of a cocaine overdose, I never had the chance to completely iron out these issues in my head, and part of them have lingered with me throught the years. I miss him even now, despite everything, and today, for an instant the whole thing came back in vivid color. History repeated itself.
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Today my older son told me that he no longer respected me, that I was irresponsible, needed to grow up and that I am no longer his father. He had been planning this for some time I suppose, ever since a small disagreement last week over something as trivial as musical tastes. I know that he has also been consulting with his mother and well, her opinion of my "character" leaves a lot to be desired. He also said (although not to my face) that he did not want to visit on weekends anymore (what a flashback that is!). He got right up in my face, blasted me for blogging (he has seen/read my posts) told me that I have a crappy job, a deviant Gay lifestyle (this is news to me as I have not been on but 1 date in the past three years), and that I need to grow up and stop acting like a teenager (this was part of the musical tastes thing from our dissagreement, evidently you have to be a teenager to listen to Bush, Nirvana, Weezer, System of a Down and Tori Amos, who oddly all had/have lead singers OLDER than I am).
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The most important thing here is I do not see how this has any relevance to the fact that I love my son with all my heart, have never intentionally caused him emotional distress, been consistent in my visitation since the day I moved out and have always contributed to his welfare via child support.
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I suppose back in the day my Dad might have asked the same questions, and well maybe if we had a chance to sit down and talk it out I might have a better perspective handling my son's attitude now. Then I come home to this comment from my son, posted this afternoon, on a post from a few days ago, which thanks to Stat Counter ISP tracking I have identified as coming from his own personal PC:
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Dear pathetic fagget your blog sucks! Why don't you do anything better with your life than listen to kid's music and shave your head? For godsake grow some hair, get a descent job, and a fuckin life. (Asshole)

Sat May 27, 03:35:06 PM EDT
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I love you, and if you are reading this, know that I always will no matter what you think of me. It just doesn't matter, call me whatever name you like, I'll still be here for that day/time when and if you decide to forgive whatever it is you think I have done to you.
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comments disabled for this post
Friday, May 26, 2006
Silly Rabbit poetry is for talented people..
Post number 2 today
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Ever drink so much Tea or Coffee you start to think about things way too much? Working that shift required me to have a bit more than normal and voila, at 3AM last night I emptied some of my most private thoughts into the blog. I'm reading it now and thinking, what the hell? I thought I only opened up to that degree when drinking. Evidently not. So just pass by it and continue on. I was glad to see my ex-wife also read it (and commented, although not addressing the subject .. she still made her presence known), the fact that she reads here now is beginning to inspire rather than upset me. Who thought something positive could come of that? Love ya *wink*.



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So today is Friday, and it is also the start of my 4 day weekend. I can't remember the last time I've had one and well, if only I had the necessary funds to do something substantial, after all it is practically that time of the month (hehe I mean to pay bills of course). I can get back into my routine at least, I will be walking and crunching for the first time since Saturday .. and at this moment am completely rested, it feels amazing. I must get out of this condo today, the walls are closing in.
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restoring an old Meme
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As some of you know I deleted my blog some time ago, and well restoring the posts got old fast, it is a tedious mess because the images don't always come through when you cut and paste from google's cached pages (thanks Atari) . The following is from a post I made October 20th of 2005, and was inspired by the beautiful and amazing Camilla aka ScandinaviaNova(who sadly has left the blogging world last February, I miss her much and won't take down the link for as long as she leaves her blog up) so anyway .. without further adieu, the 52 things about me MEME..




(originally published Thursday October 20, 2005 5:20 PM)

Inspired by the very cool ScandinavianNova and partly because I am sitting here at work (2nd shift again tonight...ehk) here is a list of 52 totally unnecessary things to know about me....


1. I am a Gemini

2. I was adopted at birth (my birthfather is Persian)

3. I met found my birthparents at age 19.

4. My high school class included 106 kids, of which only 97 graduated.

5. My favorite colors are green and orange

6. My favorite number is 4

7. I have two cats, sisters someone gave me when they were 3 weeks old (they are now 4 1/2)

8. I was once married to a woman.

9. I have 2 children.

10. I have lived in Hampden County, Massachusetts since birth.

11. I have a great fear of Sharks, and have nightmares about them year round.

12. I once had a 10 minute conversation with Tori Amos about her Native American ancestry.

13. Gavin Rossdale once walked in front of my Hampton Beach, NH hotel window

14. I actually think Courtney Love has talent, apart from her other deficiencies.

15. While I do vote, I never voted for Bill Clinton.

16. The two most beautiful cities I have ever visited were Copenhagen, Denmark and Toronto, Ontario

17. I am an only grandchild on my dad's side.

18. My father passed away when I was 15 as the result of a cocaine overdose.

19. My father was an interior designer and left my mother when I was 4 for a man.

20. I have a step-sister.

21. I operate 3 Websites dedicated to genealogy.

22. The only vegetable I will not eat is Asparagus.

23. I really dislike Lobster, Scallops and crab.

24. I love all white fish..and can only handle Salmon occasionally.

25. my alltime favorite musical lyric is "you never know just how you look through other people's eyes" From Pepper by the Butthole Surfers

26. I have always had a strange fascination with Tracey Ullman.

27. I have always had a strange fascination with John Waters films.

28. I love Parker Posey, and have tried to see everything she's done.

29. I cant stand Jim Carey or Robin Williams.

30. I drive a 2005 Silver Nissan Altima.

31. I grew up with Horses, we always had at least 2.

32. My first horse was a Palomino named Tequila Sunrise, I was 8.

33. My first plane ride was at the age of 10 we flew from Hyannis to Nantucket.
My parents did this intentionally to prepare my step-sister and I for an upcoming trip to California.

34. I hate cheesy talk shows.

35. I think Johnny Depp is far more attractive than either Bradd Pitt or Tom Cruise.

36. I am listening to Something Vague (Bright Eyes) right at this moment.

37. I work in IT.

38. I was a History major on college.

39. My shoe size is 12.

40. I weigh 155 pounds and am 6' tall.

41. I can drive to Hartford CT in 20 minutes, and Albany, New York in 1 hour yet it takes 1 1/2 hours to get to Boston, my own state capital.

42. I've never been to New Orleans...though have always wanted to.

43. My Yahoo ID is MrZebra4444 after the Tori Amos song "Mr Zebra"

44. My eyes are very dark brown, so much so people comment on them regularly.

45. My favorite Manson song is Tourniquet.

46. I don't have any tattoos.

47. I have not had a drink since July 18th. *yikes*

48. I have been single since January 2003.

49. I have had two live-in relationships since my divorce, both lasting 3 years.

50. I love hot food, to the point where I break into a sweat.

51. I had braces from the ages 10-17.

52. I have a unibrow that I refuse to separate.

There..whew. That wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.
Eh...something different anyway. Would love to see others give that a go.


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CRANK CALL FRIDAY


I need to get back to doing this, lately I've been laxed. Today's selection is dedicated to Cesco, and it's one of his favorites (mine too). It is from Comedy Central's Crank Yankers, and features poor elderly Helen Higgins, who's insensitive son has trained her pet Parrot to shout out obscenities and call her very offensive names. Enjoy!

The Parrot

(click to play, right-click to save)

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Laters :)

on becoming
I was born of a girl who was barely a woman..
I was reborn to a woman who was barely a wife..
I married a woman who was barely a partner..
It is a small wonder I've barely a life..
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Sometimes you start thinking about how things come to pass, and your mind races backward into the depths of your memory to possibly grasp some event or relationship which may have shaped your destiny. I try to avoid this, because my past has been incredibly eventful, from the moment I was pulled from my birthmother's body to this very morning when I made myself breakfast, there are far too many things to consider and well, I would go mad should I try and make sense of it all. This little silly poem I wrote just now was an attempt at some sort of rationalization, I'm not sure that it exactly makes sense or even follows a consistent path, but for the fleeting seconds it took to type, everything was clear.
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Funny how that can happen, one moment everything makes complete sense and then you start to analyze perhaps too much and it begins to fall apart into pieces, confusing you and challenging the very thoughts which brought you to that particular conclusion. I don't blame anyone for the person I have become, I am a grown man whose life is a result of decisions I freely and coherently made, some without consideration for others, some laden with guilt, and others, well for no apparent motive apart from some sort of instant gratification. I am where I am at this very moment because of these decisions, and not because my natural mother gave me up at birth, or that my adoptive father was gay or even because I married a woman under somewhat false pretenses (even given the fact that I had not yet faced the "demons" which lurked just below the surface and chose to keep them hidden lest I be found to be a deviant pretender, I mean they were only thoughts I could just push downward internally and ignore). All three women did the best they could given the situations to which they were exposed, I am who I am in spite of and not as a result of my relationships with them. Ugh... and this is why we should try not to over analyze things, take responsibility for our actions, and most importantly, look forward and not back.
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S6 C12 147
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Casualties of 2nd shift.......
Look out ........... today I discovered...




The world will now become a much more dangerous place...

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SO yea, thanks to my friend Kalvin I downloaded and tried out Skype for the very first time. I mean I'd heard of it before (obviously.. I listen to waay too many podcasts) but I guess never really thought about trying it out for myself. Had a decent chat today even. Now for the next step, a Persian Podcast .. how much fun does THAT sound? Ok well don't get too exited, nothing is definite yet.

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So that is today's casualty of my working 2nd shift, I had way too much time on my hands and a new toy to play with so I completely forgot to post. There is a first. Something more substantial tomorrow.

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Work last night was quickly over and today is my last night on this nightmare shift. I actually got to chat later when I got home to a really cool fellow blogger from an unamed Southern State of Grey Haired fame (hint hint), who I have been reading and exchanging comments with for a while now. We have some important things in common and someday it would be cool to meet. You know who you are there buddy :) It's 2:12 now and I have to leave in 20 minutes, haven't showered or made my less than exiting lunch (looks like another salad event).

I swore it said "Red Wine Vinaigrette" ... who thinks of these flavors?? ehk



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Laters :)

S5 C11 146

Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Way Back Wednesday #4


Introducing Great-Grandmother Maria Giuseppa Marciano, born April 17, 1889 Carini, Provincia di Palermo, Sicily daughter of Antonino & Francesca Angela (Marciano) Marciano. Yup, both her parents were Marciano's, 2nd cousins in fact, and to make it worse, Giuseppa married her OWN first cousin (her father & his mother were full siblings), my Great-Grandfather Antonino. It's no wonder their children were born without deformities!
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Tracing her ancestry and that of her husbands has fascinated me. You see the records for this particular town stretch back (and are complete) to 1527. I have access (thanks to the LDS church) to all of the church registers. It is one thing when the statement is made that back in the old country cousins married cousins, and yet another when you discover this over and over again in the records.
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What is also amazing about the Sicilian people is that they are descended from Spanish, North African & Greek (Arbëreshë) immigrants, this is why when you often hear Sicilian's claiming to be very much separate from mainland Italy, listen .. it is so very true. The document below illustrates this and is one of my favorite finds.
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It is the 1651 Church marriage record for Carlo Marciano to a Greek bride named Mattea Norcia "from Plane Grecorum or The Plane of the Greeks". I used this document to study further into this woman and discovered her parents arrived from Albania approximately 30 years earlier where they belonged to a large Greek Colony. Fascinating stuff when you see it all right before you. As another interesting point, and because of the intermarriages within my family, I descend from Mattea Norcia a total of 9 times in 4<> different lines.

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(Christian Bale, The Machinist, he just couldn't sleep)

The effects of no sleep & multiple meals

Ok so I discovered something this week. If you get little sleep, and eat every couple hours, your body/metabolism kicks into overdrive and you lose weight. The thing is I don't need to lose weight, but it still happened. I mean I was chowing all day and night long, an insatiable hunger came over me for some reason. I even had like 2 candy bars! Yet when I woke up this morning I felt emaciated and starving, and when I stepped on the scale I realized I am down to 147 at 6', thats like 5 pounds in the last 3 days. Yikes...! I guess they weren't kidding when they said keeping the metabolism active with small meals throughout the day works, should you desire to lose. I mean I haven't Walked or crunched now since Saturday (not feeling motivated with these weird hours) so my physical activity has been very much reduced. Baffling..

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Thanks everyone for their suggestions on where to get an in-house Washer/Dryer, I will have one soon no matter what the cost. That Laundromat shit is a nightmare, I don't know how people deal with it on a regular basis (can you tell it's the first time ever I have had too?) Think about that before you move into a condo or apartment which requires you to wash your clothes in such a place. Yea I mean taking things to family/friends sounds easy enough, but in the end it's a royal pain in the ass, try it and you will see what I mean.

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So anyway two more days of this shift. Then its a 4 day weekend... :)

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Laters :)

S4 C12 147

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Laundry issues & Tori Tuesday
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One would think the laundry room located two floors below me here at Condo-land (not pictured above) would be relatively quiet at 12AM on a Monday evening. Imagine my surprise when I trudged down, baskets in hand, only to discover 3 of the 4 machines were in use, either actively or serving as storage bins for freshly cleaned undies and socks. So here was my chance, I stuffed the whole basket (barely) into the empty unit, inserted the "Landro-card" which we are forced to use here, and whammo... it sucked a double fee out of the $10.00 I had to put on the card last week. So this was going to cost me $3.00 instead of $1.50. Yet again I am robbed by the giant metal box as it smiles back at me in triumph. I give it a kick and spout out something very appropriate to let it know just how pissed I am. Pouring in detergent and starting the cycle I return upstairs feeling completely violated.
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Once upstairs I proceeded to catch up on some dishes, clean the kitchen a bit, grab a drink and hit the pc to catch up on some of my blogger friends. I guess time escaped me and I didn't make it back down there for about 45 minutes (10 minutes longer than the cycle evidently). So..empty basket in hand, I run down ONLY to discover all four units are now going and my wet clothes are piled in a heap ON THE FREEKING FLOOR. Ugh.. the excitement of Condo living, I so miss my own Washer/Dryer back at the old house. That will teach me to let it go until I absolutely have no underwear or Tshirts left. Is there some kind of small portable unit you can use in your Apartment/Condo secretly ?? Anyone know? I have sooo had it with community Laundromats, and well doing it at my mother's or gram's just is an incredible pain.
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Oh well, it's my Humpday today, since I'm working Sun-Thursday. It's great to be at the midpoint, these hours are killing me. I cannot believe the difference in the people who work 2nd and 3rd shift at my place of employment vrs. the day crew (who are quite the interesting lot themselves). I guess night shifts lend themselves to some pretty interesting people by and large. Either they are young and spaced out or middle aged and incapable of turning on a PC without my complete assistance. I guess you get what you pay for, and well we aren't paying so much. Everytime I have to go into the warehouse to resolve a problem, they all stand there like wide eyed yokels gawking at the new Mayor in town. Then they hover all over me while I try to get something done and make it impossible to concentrate. Ok..only two more days and it's over. *sigh*
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I've been sleeping too much, I feel like a walking zombie and haven't been able to run yet this week. I wonder what people who work these hours do with their lives, because at present I have no life. Moving right along.....
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Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanoff
(1901-1918)
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I am not going to stray into many details of the short and tragic life of this young woman, should it interest you, click here. Essentially she was the fourth child, and youngest daughter of the ill fated Czar Nicholas II of Russia. She and her family met their untimely end at the hands of Revolutionists in the cellar of a home which had become their prison at Yekaterinburg Russia on July 17, 1918. The family was massacred by firing squad, then later dismembered and buried secretly, the location of which was only discovered in 1991. Rumors have floated around over the decades that Anastasia had somehow survived the ordeal in the person of a woman named Anna, identified more accurately after her death as a mentally ill peasant named Franziska Schanzkowska. MTDNA Testing (thanks to donations made by Prince Phillip of England, who shared a common ancestry with Anastasia and her siblings) has proven this without reasonable doubt. See my post on this fascinating scientific study here.
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This was all groundbreaking news in 1993 when a young singer-song writer from Baltimore, Maryland named Tori Amos would have been working on the completion of her 2nd solo album entitled Under The Pink , which was released in February of 1994. I submit an interview she gave, in typical zany Tori style from April of that year when asked about the incredibly beautiful piano ballad which served as it's last track and entitled "Yes Anastasia".
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Tori on "Yes Anastasia"

"It's a journey. Anastasia Romanoff... it's not like I've read loads of books on her. I was aware of the family and that's about it. So I'm in Virginia, and I had crabs...I keep saying that! I had crab sickness, I had eaten bad crabs in Maryland! But I couldn't cancel the show. I was at soundcheck, and needless to say, when you are very, very ill, it is easier to communicate with your source... you are fragile and vulnerable. Well, her presence came. Now I have only heard of her in history, I've got no point to make. She comes and goes 'you've got to write my tune.' I 'go ohhh, now's not really a good time.' She says 'no, you've got to understand something from this, there's something here that you've got to come to terms with.' And that night came," as she softly sings the line "'We'll see how brave you are,' and that was really about the whole record. That came just about before everything. And whenever I sing that chorus, 'we'll see how brave you are,' it means so many different things to me. It's part of my self, my spirit self saying to the rest of myself, 'if you really want a challenge, just deal with yourself. The funny thing is that Anna Anderson, who claimed to be Anastasia, died very close to where I was playing, an hour or so from there in the 80s. The feeling I got that Anna Anderson was Anastasia Romanov. She always tried to prove it and a lot of people believed her and some people didn't want to believe her, because of what that would have meant. And again, it's really working through being a victim. 'Counting the tears from ten thousand men, and gathered them all, but my feel are slipping.' You can't blame the men anymore; there's always you. It comes back to us; it comes back to me."

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Yes Anastasia

(click above to play, right click to save)

lyrics

I know what you want the magpies have come
if you know me so well then tell me which hand i use

make them go
make it go

saw her there in a restaurant
poppy don't go
i know your mother is a good one
but poppy don't go
i'll take you home
show me the things i've been missin
show me the ways i forgot to be speaking
show me the ways to get back to the garden
show me the ways to get around the get around
show me the ways to button up buttons
that have forgotten they're buttons
well we can't have that
forgetting that

girls girls what have we done to ourselves
driving on the vine
over clothes lines
but officer i saw the sign
thought i'd been through this in 1919
counting the tears of ten thousand men
and gathered them all
but my feet are slipping
there's something we left on the windowsill
there's something we left yes

we'll see how brave you are
we'll see how fast you'll be running
we'll see how brave you are
yes, Anastasia
and all your dollies have friends

thought she deserved no less than she'd give
well happy birthday
her blood's on my hands
it's kind of a shame cause i did like that dress
it's funny the things that you find in the rain
the things that you find
in the mall and in the date mines
in the knots still in her hair
on the bus i'm on my way down
all the girls seem to be there

come along now little darlin'
come along now with me
come along now little darlin'
we'll see how brave you are

(Much thanks to Audrey over at Hereinmyhead.com for the interview and lyrics)

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Laters :)

S3 C12 149

Monday, May 22, 2006
2nd shift

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Day two of this shift change (4 more to go!) I'm just up and still feeling all weird and stuff because it's 10:50 and I'm home, sleepy and drinking some hot green tea. Needless to say I won't be posting before 11AM this week, cause I'll be sleeping.
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Got to work yesterday at 2 and then things went pretty fast. It's so weird being there alone, but amazing how much more you can get done without people all about. I was able to catch up with some people online later as things eased up, and even got into a fight with this jerk I've been talking to of late. I hate when people pressure you to meet them, and then when you aren't as receptive they would like, things get nasty.
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This guy is obviously a master manipulator cause he's playing all the traditional last ditch "guilt" tactics. What the hell, If I am just looking to talk right now and you have a problem with it, move on. They try to turn everything on you, as if you have wronged them somehow, left them hanging, promised the world etc. Yea ok so he asked to hang out sometime on Memorial day, I said I didn't know and that I'd get back to him. So he's trying to play that I've committed to it. I've already removed him from my buddy list and yet he keeps messaging me, block is next. He can't deal with the fact that he "thinks" I am "soo his type" (gimme a break) and that I am not interested in him that way, not looking to go on a date, really like him as a person but only want to be friends. This has happened to me a few times already, you meet someone online, start to talk, there isn't an interest on my part in anything more than friendship and they start to get insulting and manipulative. ramble ramble, yea anyway...
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So I was listening to Madge Weinstein's Yeast Radio the other day, thanks to Mr. Adam who shamelessly plugs that podcast at every turn (not without good reason, it's a very funny show .. not to mention features regularly the very entertaining Cheryl M. if you don't know who she is, you are missing out, and no I won't link her here, my ex-wife reads this among others who might not appreciate her (hysterical) brand of humor) and Madge was mentioning this site called Second Life , where you can create a custom made identity (right down the spacing in between your eyes) and walk around the world in search of whatever amuses you. It's way too much fun, and despite the fact that my PC locks up at times (it's nearly 4 years old and well, rather prehistoric) I have spent a lot of time there of late (I mean what else do I have to do apart from eat, sleep and work on this shift?). Check it out, you won't regret it, and it's free!!
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A blogger friend who shall remain nameless at this point recently referred to this place as a "Family Blog", and that some people don't enjoy reading these things so much. Hm, well I always thought of my blog as a journal, not merely dealing with my family (which are very important to me and naturally included) but also with my day to day life, work, interests and well anything that sparks my interest and is worth mentioning. I really hate that it would be characterized as just a "family blog". I know I am not very political and don't usually spout off about what is happening elsewhere in the world but still, I bridge many topics and areas of discussion. I've even been told that "ya never know what you are going to read here", which I actually was pretty pleased to hear. I guess you can't please everybody, and I would think less of myself if I ever went that route, it's kind of a sad road to travel.
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I've been neglecting my favorite reads lately, time has been short and not so plentiful. I really want to check up on everyone later today. OH... and I really want to mention a blog which is relatively new, and hosted by one of the most original, sweet and sincere people I have thus met in bloggerland.. his name is Kalvin and the blog is called Hello Waffles. Here is a very abstract artistic-ish photo he recently put up which I love...



check him out, if you haven't already, but maybe you have .. i've seen the kitty icon in a lot of comment areas of late. :)

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Laters :)

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Sunday, May 21, 2006
Happy Birthday Dad..
Today would mark the 63rd birthday of my father if he had survived. I never got up early enough (I'm on 2nd shift this week) to get over to the cemetery, as I usually do, maybe tomorrow. He was my adopted father, which I mention only to differentiate him from my bio-father who I have posted about recently. I was adopted at birth (well placed at 2 months actually) and for the first 20 years of my life he was the only father I knew.
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My parents divorced when I was about 3 years old, and my dad moved away to Boston soon after, establishing an Interior Design firm which grew to include additional offices in New York City and Ogunquit, Maine. He would pick me up on weekends when he could get away, at times regularly, and at others, well not so much. I idolized him, despite the "flaws" and "irresponsibility" he suffered from according to my mother and step-father. This didn't sit well with them of course, but their words passed in and out of my young ears like weightless air. He could do no wrong, and while I would cry my eyes out when he missed a weekend, as soon as he would arrive my grin would be ear-to-ear.
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My father was gay, and after leaving my mother came out of the proverbial closet. This was the mid 1970's and well perceptions and acceptance were completely different than those of today. As a matter of fact, after learning my father had included his lover in a daytrip we took one Saturday, my mother initiated court proceedings which ended in eliminating our overnight visits and establishing the Saturday 10-6 schedule which lasted until his death. Given that he could no longer keep me overnight, and that he lived at times in Boston, New York and Maine this resulted in many missed visits. I understand now much more easily than I did back then (naturally) but it was fuel for my mother and step father's attempts to reduce the bond between us. My step-father even tried to adopt me (a very noble gesture, one which I have come to understand and respect him for) however as part of the process, I was interviewed by a court appointed psychiatrist and well, that session squashed any possibilities for the adoption to occur. He was my dad and nobody was going to take him away from me.
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My father began taking drugs at some point (just when I have no way of determining) and it became a very serious problem. His Firm soon began to suffer and eventually closed it's doors sometime around 1981. He moved back home to Western Massachusetts and began working for his father. I was very young, but I remember his spirit had been broken, he looked perhaps 10 years older than his years and he was always broke.
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Finally, on October 9th, 1983 while vacationing in Maine, Dad passed away as a result of a cocaine overdose. He was just 41 years old. He never was able to see me grow into a man, or know his grandchildren, although his mother and sister try and make sure his memory remains alive and well in their minds. Sadly I am sure they don't give him much thought, a distant intangible figure about whom they are probably not even curious.

This is the last photo I have of my father, taken about a year before he passed away. Notice the family Crest I made him hold (even then I was into family history and genealogy). I had received that Polaroid camera for Christmas the previous year, and went around photographing anyone would would let me. He was just 39 in that photo, yet looked easily in his 50's, alcohol and drug abuse, incessant bouts with dieting and weight gain. I have taken great examples from his failures, most importantly hardly letting a weekend pass without seeing my children, having never touched a drug (apart from smoking, which I have tried maybe 4 times) and maintaining a healthy diet and weight consistently for the past 10 years. He taught me so many things even in death. I love you dad, wherever you are.

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Well I am working 2nd shift tonight thru Thursday covering a vacation. Of all the shifts this is my least favorite. I worked these hours during my entire marriage and hated every minute of it. You get home at 11:30 , stay up till maybe 1AM then sleep till 11, eat something, and go back in for 2. You have no life whatsoever. Oh well, I do get an hourly differential so that's something in any case.

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I went out last night, for the 1st time in maybe 6 months (and it had been a year before that). I actually had 2 beers but am not upset about that, at least it wasn't vodka and I nursed them for most of the night hardly catching a buz. I had a blast, hung out with some friends, met a couple new ones caught up on stuff and laughed tons. I forgot how much fun a night out can be.

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Laters :)

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Saturday, May 20, 2006
a day of rest..

taking the day off from blogging.. gots lots on me mind and don't feel motivated to get into a mega-post, especialy not at almost 9pm. Besides it's Saturday and I haven't missed posting daily since like September of last year so I guess I'm entitled. Tomorrow is a very special birthday post I need to put up in any case I'll work on that later. Hope everyone is having an event-filled weekend.
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Laters :)
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Friday, May 19, 2006
Corned Beef and tears..

I had dinner with Gram tonight, which has become a weekly routine of late. Thursday's are her favorite, Corned beef & Cabbage at a local restaurant (I had Haddock). She is getting older (82) and her memory is failing rather rapidly. Normally our conversation centers around her weekly routine, my kids, her issues with my Aunt (her daughter) and well just general rehashing of the time since we last were together. Tonight was different, well something has happened which she is not dealing with so well, and as I can completely understand, it is for the best.
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Her physician had recommended that she complete a few tests to determine her ability to drive. We knew this was coming, hell I believe my Aunt has even pushed for this. While her driving is still beyond criticism, her capacity to retain new information is deteriorating daily. It's just not safe for her to be behind the wheel anymore. She was tested, the doctor told her that she would have to give up driving soon, and if pressed he would see to it her license was revoked. She didn't naturally take it so well, anger ensued, she was rude (which is typical for her condition) and now she has retreated into a state of depression.
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She cried tonight, which I have not seen her do since my father (her son) passed away. My grandmother is a very reserved woman, she does not express emotion very easily in public or hell even in a private setting. That is why it was especially difficult to watch the tears flow.

"What else do I have?"
"What will I do?"
"I live alone and so far from everything"

Gram has always had few friends, always the independent distrustful soul, she never saw the need. She also has never been the type of woman to join elderly organizations, finding the people less than interesting. She has always relied on her self and her ability to go wherever the whim served her. She is going to have to make some serious adjustments now, we all are. As I said it's for the best, but nevertheless pains me to see her cry and look so much like a helpless child.

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moving right along... today is my most recent ex's birthday, he's 27.
Happy Birthday Tyler :)


(his 23rd bday at my mother's in 2002)

We lived together for 3 years (2000-2003) but don't speak anymore, it was kind of a rough break up and he very much resents me on many levels because of the hurtful things that occurred between us. I'm still trying to get him to come get his 6 boxes of personal possessions out of my cubby space downstairs here. There were 10 originally but the pipes burst last year in the old house and half of his stuff was ruined. I've only seen him twice since we split, in a bar downtown. He still harbors a grudge or something and felt it was venting time. Hope he's happy wherever he is and whatever he's doing.

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ok this post is getting depressing I need a laugh..

I used to do this theme thing called

CRANK CALL FRIDAY

where I would upload a comedy call and for some reason I've been laxed of late so today I will start again. This one is from The Touchtone Terrorists, one of my favorite teams (next to The Jerkey Boys) they have been featured on Howard Stern and Crank Yankers. In this call an inebriated woman calls for customer service only to be pushed around from one rude representative to another. It's definitely worth a listen, she is priceless....

Save The Drama for your Mama...

(click above to listen, right click to save)

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Laters :)

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Thursday, May 18, 2006




If at first you don't succeed...blah blah blah

yea ok so I fell off the non-smoking wagon, didn't pass go and went straight back to jail. Well at least tomorrow will be 90 days without a drinky, there's something anyway. I swear the circumstances must be perfect for quitting smoking to work, and as I don't have the fundage to get one of those kits at the moment .. I'll keep trying, I will NOT give up. Tomorrow is another day. That's it for now, think I'll go mope.
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Laters :(
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Feeling full on a nutritious low-fat lunch...
(was playing with my camphone)
This is the lunch I eat every day, with some variation, but basically the same. Lettuce, 2 hardboiled eggs, two slices of fat-free Swiss cheese (no these do not taste like rubber, I've shopped around) my favorite red wine vinaigrette dressing (I have a red vinegar addiction)


and then my favorite addition..

these things are spicy & delicious, I break pieces off and eat with.


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My mother always throws in my face that I take the time and effort to eat healthy meals and exercise, yet I continue to smoke cigarettes.. I guess she has a point. I wonder why that I can be so disciplined in those areas yet fail miserably when I try to quit smoking??

Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Way Back Wednesday #3
(My birthfather, his grandfather, and sister April 20,1956)
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This photo was given to me by my birthfather's mother when I first met her at age 20. The elderly gentleman in the center was her father, Alessandro Ginosa born April 20, 1878 Agnone, Campobasso, Italy and died shortly after this picture was taken in 1958. Lifespans pass ever so quickly, as is evident from the photo below taken when he was barely 7 years old.

(Veronica Odorisio Ginosa, daughter Assunta & son Alessandro, 1885)

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My birthfather came into my life soon after I found my biological mother. The story is outlined on my sidebar under "My Adoption". I was very fortunate that his mother cared little for older photographs and by the time she passed away in 2000 she had given me nearly every picture and document she had dating older than 20 years. I especially like this one of her son, my birthfather taken just a couple years before I was conceived.

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He married after separating from my birthmother, and had three children with his new wife. I was very fortunate to have known them for a period of time while we were close in the early 1990's. The four subsequently moved south later on and although I saw them once at our grandmother's funeral in November of 2000 we no longer remain in contact, I don't even have their address and phone number any longer. Here is a photo from one of the holidays we spent together.

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From left, me, my girlfriend (and subsequent wife), my half-sister,, sister-in-law, older half brother and in front younger half-brother. I have many pictures of them, but this is my most favorite of all.

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I have only discovered this past Sunday that my birthmother is moving from her Apartment in Springfield to (unbelievably) the Apartments directly across the street from my Condo building. I can see her parking lot from my front door. This should be interesting in terms of our future relationship, which has dwindled to nothing in the past 10 years. I am not so sure what to make of it yet, time will tell.

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I've completed day two of smokelessness! This will be the last mention in any post, I will continue to denote the number below in the code thingy at the end. It's been a stressful nightmare so far, but I am keeping busy and have stopped drinking tea or coffee and immediately involve myself in a chore or project when I get home. I've also been trying to stay away from the PC as that was the time I MOST enjoyed smoking. Ok enough of that I am starting to crave one right now...

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Answers to yesterday's Four truths and a lie...

1. I am a registered Republican -- TRUE (don't get the wrong idea)

I registered to vote for the first time in 1992 and at that time my candidate of choice was good old Daddy George Bush. Do I need to go on? In any case I haven't voted Republican since that election and now that I am in a new town and need to re-register this will finally be "fixed".

2. I was once nearly kidnapped by Libyan terrorists -- TRUE (although Terrorists may not be exactly the correct word in this case)

When I was turned 20, my Gram paid for a months trip to Europe for my then girlfriend and I. My girlfriend had to back out after pressure from her parents and I went alone. I flew in and out of Zurich, Switzerland and kept much of my luggage stored there in the hotel which I would spend my first two and last two nights in.

On one trip west to Geneva, where I was to catch this super fast train to Paris (called the TGV) I met this Libyan student who convinced me that I must not miss sightseeing in Geneva (which I had originally chose to skip visiting for any length of time). I explained I had no hotel reservations (it was later in the evening) and he said he had some sort of connection at a hotel called The Geneve Cornavin. Being young and naive and alone (not to mention thrilled to find an English speaking person) I agreed. We took a taxi to the hotel after arriving and he took care of everything, even paid for my room. Now why in the hell wasn't I suspicious already?? He stayed there as well (in another room naturally) DESPITE having an apartment close by. He also rang up my room three times during the night to "make sure I was ok".

The next day he took me briefly around the city, and then to "visit his father" who was staying at The Hotel Intercontinental not far from The United Nations Building. His father was a high ranking official in the Libyan government (or so he claimed), and I was brought upstairs to meet him. He seemed very irritated and angry, but then again I had no idea what they were saying to each other. We left the hotel and proceeded to visit a friend of Louai's named Mohammad Khashoggi (who I later discovered was the son of this super-rich arms merchant who has currently has been tied to two of the 911 pilots not to mention Osama Bin Laden himself!). I remember the building he lived in was guarded by these frightening looking security men and we had to go through three doors before we reached his apartment. Once again I have no idea what they were talking about, but the kid (he was my age) seemed very friendly and hospitable.

After that we returned to The Hotel Intercontinental once again, and by this time I was starting to get nervous, we hadn't seen a single site and it was already lunch time. He brought me outside to this patio where they served lunch and ordered something for me to eat, disappearing to go back upstairs and speak to his father. I barely ate. He came back down and sat with me for about a half hour and then disappeared again, asking me to wait for him in the lobby this time. All I remember was that there were all of these Arab diplomats coming in and out of the lobby and my blood pressure was starting to rise. He came back down and said he needed to wait a bit longer for his father, never explaining exactly what this was all about. I had already made up my mind to get the hell out of there at his next exit.

When he left me yet again, I quietly grabbed my Gap travel bag, walked out the front door and boarded a bus (which was covered with my Eurail Pass) and headed to the train station. I couldn't get to Paris fast enough. Obviously I never contacted or heard from him again. I truly believe that I avoided something, this guy was getting kind of creepy toward the end and well, the Khashoggi connection has recently cemented my fears. I don't know if many of you remember but back in the late 80's early 90's Libya was very much our enemy and it's leader Muammar Khadafi a complete lunatic. Here I was hanging out with the son of one of his ministers!!! I was such an idiot.

3. I have had sex (any definition) once in the past two years. TRUE

I guess since my breakup in '03 I have pretty much avoided Bars and well the online thing is not so appealing either. I just haven't been interested in even dating until maybe the last 6 months, and the two people I did try to date grew boring quickly and I stopped answering their calls. Thank god there are other ways to relieve frustration not involving another warm body. :)

4. I once worked as a volunteer for a Mormon Church. TRUE

Shortly before finding my birthparents I began visiting our local LDS Family History Center in Bloomfield, CT. As some of you know the amazing genealogical resources of the Mormon Church are by far the largest in the world. I was in my late teens, had a car and impressed the Library's director so much she asked me to become a volunteer. I worked every other Saturday from 9-3 helping patrons utilize the library's microfilm catalog and ordering from Salt Lake. In time my duties included teaching classes on Italian and French-Canadian genealogy as well. I was there right up until my divorce, when I could no longer work weekends due to the fact that I now had my sons on the weekends (visitation). Once in a while I still go down there and they always ask when I will start volunteering again. Maybe some day.

5. I saw Nirvana at Springfield, MA in November of 1993. FALSE

While Nirvana did play The Springfield Civic Center in November of 1993, sadly I was not in attendance. I guess that is pretty much all I can say on this one. I wasn't there.

So... Scott, Daniel & Rob you were right! Good job!

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Laters :)

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
numero dos..

yeap I made it through day one, I feel pretty good about it considering how slow yesterday was at work. We received 3 calls the whole day. It was rainy, and cold and boring and my boss and I hardly spoke (as a result of the other day, go figure). Thanks for all of your encouragement!
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It stopped raining long enough for me to attempt my run last night. I don't know what happened but as soon as I started I felt these sharp pains down both my shins and essentially had to power walk (which I had really gone past I thought). It's strange because I never felt so much as a twinge as long as I didn't try to jog. Maybe I'm getting old, maybe I pulled something last time, but I've not been in any pain whatsoever all weekend so this was a shocker. I made the 4 miles in 39 instead of 35 minutes which really isn't all that bad, I have long legs and walk really fast. I'll try again tomorrow.
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Inspired on by Tornwordo over at Sticky Crows , and also from my buddy Jamie who blogs occasionally these days at Living in the inner mind (who has always done these things in the past) I decided to partake in the 4 truths and a Lie Meme.. here goes:
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1. I am a registered Republican.
2. I was once nearly kidnapped by Libyan terrorists.
3. I have had sex (any definition) once in the past two years.
4. I once worked as a volunteer for a Mormon Church.
5. I saw Nirvana at Springfield, MA in November of 1993.
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Pick the one that is false, answers tomorrow
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Tori Tuesday....


Persian Toricast #1

(click on the image or link above, or right click to save)

In honor of this theme day I made the first Persian Toricast. It has very little spoken word and lots of Tori (nearly 40 minutes) blended into what I think is a beautiful medley of some of my favorites. If you walk, run, or drive to Podcasts and have not been exposed to her lyrical genius and breathtaking voice, have a listen, you will not regret it. I plan on making a few of these as time permits, but of course not every week. Enjoy!

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Laters :)

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Monday, May 15, 2006


I just woke up and already am a little stressed. Wish me luck :) I cleaned everything that had "smoke" residue on it in my room, and threw the pack out around midnight. My super boring job is going to be quite difficult to get through without smoke breaks & internet. I just want to go back to bed.

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weekend recap - short and sweet
Saturday - kids and I picked up grammy, took her to a Chinese buffet where my Aunt joined us shortly afterward. Gram is getting pretty bad at this point, and for some reason she is just fascinated by the Sushi bar, but ONLY on her last dessert trip up. I tell her each time she nears it, "Gram that is not dessert". I even tried to pull her away from it this time, but she's stubborn. We all cringed when she came back with not one but TWO servings of Sushi piled right on top of her vanilla pudding. Telling her only results in an angry reaction so once again we had to relive...
"ohhh I DON'T like this"
spitting it out... sigh reminds me of that movie with Drew Barrymore where she forgets each morning the last one had happened. We did have a decent time for the most part otherwise.
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Sunday was my son's party which was fun, Pizza, fudge-like Bakery Cake etc. He ended up doing pretty well for himself in the gift department and he still had his mother's party to go to that night.
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cross your fingers for me today I'm going to need it.
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Laters
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Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mothers....
they were there to hold you


made sure you were always well fed...

insisted you drank plenty of Milk..


and had fun pets to play with...


didn't let you get into anything dangerous..


brought you fun places like the beach...


gave you neat props to play pretend with...


never forgot to change your diaper...


always had a nack for dressing you up in NEAT outifits..



and if you were lucky enough,

they started all over again with your kids..




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because after all they were kids once too...


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I am also reminded of my grandfather (Nono), who was an old Sicilian and kept the memory of his mother alive right up until his death. As a matter of fact the last time I saw him, semi-comatose in a hospital bed, cancer ridden and struggling for his last breath, he was talking to her. Unbelievably he was telling her "No Ma, I'm not ready yet". Tears swelled up in my eyes as I stood there watching from across the room in complete disbelief. I suppose it was his mother there, at his most important time of need, helping him through that last journey. Some may say it is ridiculous to believe such things, but then again they were not there. He was talking to her and not 2 hours later was gone. In honor of my old Nonna (his mother) and also my grandfather, I am uploading the song that reminded him most of her, and one which could always make the tough old guy cry like a baby.. It's by Connie Francis and is called...

MAMA

(click above to play, it's sad yet beautiful)

lyrics (the English part)

When the evening shadows fall
and the lovely day is through
Then with longing I recall
the years I spent with you

Mama, I miss the days
when you were near to guide me
Mama, those happy days
when you were here beside me

Safe in the glow of your love
Sent from the heavens above
Nothing can ever replace
The warmth of your tender embrace

Oh, Mama, until the day
that we're together once more
I'll live in these memories
Until the day that we're together once more


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I hope you all have a great Mother's Day whether it is spending the day with her, or fondly remembering special memories spent with her no matter where she is now.

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Laters :)

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Saturday, May 13, 2006
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I snagged tickets on Ebay Monday for the sold out July 2nd Avalon Panic! at the Disco Show in Boston. My son was really exited and used some of his birthday money to pick up their CD today, we listened to it in the car and even my older son is starting to get into them. Rey was telling me one of his other clients, Dresden Dolls is the opener which is going to make for one amazing show. My older son is really loving this one Panic! track, as he is a big fan of Broadway and Musicals and the song brought a big smile to his face.. here it is:
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(click to play, right click to save)
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Lyrics:


Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh
Everything goes according to plan

I'm the new cancer, never looked better
And you can't stand it
I know because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better
And you can't stand it

Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign
To them, your name is "Cheap", and you look like sh--
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

I'm the new cancer, never looked better
And you can't stand it
I know because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better
And you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it

And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
I've never been so surreptitious
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
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Laters :)
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My son's big day..
(as a newborn with his grandmother and brother)
seems like only yesterday he was born... today is my son's 12th birthday, and I can't believe it! This weekend is going to be a bit hectic, I've been cleaning like mad for his party tomorrow and we have another one today with my Aunt & Grammy (my parents were divorced and the families do not speak). I think he's going to be pretty exited over what I got him, more tomorow. I am pretty rushed, so this is a mega brief post.
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Laters :)
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Friday, May 12, 2006
The perfect set of teeth..
Ok so don't laugh at the Miami Vice Tux, two other guys at Prom wore the same exact color. Anyway .. I was 17, my braces of 8 years had just come off and I was showing a perfect set of pearly whites. It's funny how if we aren't careful and we don't pay attention, things get out of hand. By the time I was 21 I had started smoking and soon after began to neglect my teeth a bit. I have always brushed religiously, but if you avoid the semi-annual cleanings and develop a grinding habit, brushing alone can't save you. I was lucky for the most part I have hard strong teeth that can (and have) taken a beating over the years.


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Somehow I never developed those scary dental diseases such as Gingivitis or Peridontitis but I did get a few cavities which I wasn't always so eager to run off and have filled. Long story short, by the time I was divorced, the dentist was the last place I wanted to go and in the 8 years since I've been maybe 6 times (3 of which have been in the last month). I am on a mission now to stay the path and keep going until everything is in order, which according to my dentist is 2 fillings and possibly a root canal. That's cool I can deal with the minor discomfort involved in shooting me up with novacaine and drilling those babies clear. What I can't deal with so well is what it costs...YIKES! I have full dental coverage, and today went and had tooth numero uno filled. AFTER insurance it came to $108. I have one more to do and the root canal (which will cost me in the vicinity of $300, but they are allowing me to make 3 payments).
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Thank god I have some help or I couldn't do this. So next time you see someone with less than perfect teeth and you snicker to yourself, "oh my god why doesn't snaggle tooth get that shit fixed!!" think again about how Snaggle might not be able to afford what has become an expensive luxury, having decent looking white teeth.
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This leads into my next subject, smoking. I have decided to quit altogether, shooting for Monday. Ok some of you might say I will chicken out by then and it's always easier to make these kinds of plans in advance only to crumble into your addiction when the day arrives. Well I feel strongly that won't happen, I need to make some day to day changes in my life and behavior to accomplish this, but hey I've given up drinking now for 3 months, have become one lean mean machine since July of last year and can have incredible discipline once motivated and with some time behind me. I relize this reduction thing isn't working, I need to do it cold turkey. So... here is my announcement (mainly for my self, certainly not to be overly dramatic)
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Monday May 15th, 2006 I will quit smoking entirely.
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there, it's been typed here in bloggerland and I have something to live up to or risk looking like a total whimp-loser. No longer will the little C at the bottom of the post sit beside a number larger than zero. Send me your positive energy and suggestions guys, I will probably need it. I've already quit Coffee for Tea in my first attempt to shake the vicious habit (quit things which you associate with having a smoke they say) and now I will have to quit the tea as well. I am not going to get all worked up about it between now and Monday, but it will be in the back of my mind, thinking of what I can do to make it happen with ease. I have faith.
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(Anderson, Gloria & Carter about 1983)

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My friend Sangroncito put up a touching post yesterday on Anderson Cooper and the similarities between the tragic death of the Reporter's brother Carter in 1988 and Sang's own young brother's untimely death, both attributed to depression. I remember all too well when Carter died, jumping from his mother's arms out of her Gracie Square Apartment window. I cannot imagine a more painful experience for a mother to endure. She is certainly a strong woman to have survived it, I can't say I would be able to.
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On one of my April Way Back Wednesday posts (the 19th I think) I focused on my Gram and her ancestral ties to the New York Vanderbilt family. It was called "Grammy & The Commodore" if I recall correctly and took me a while to get all the info together, only to be one of the permanent casualties of my Blog deletion on the 27th of last month. Unlike so many others I have since found and am in the process of restoring (there were 325+) it does not turn up in full in any cached web search engines. I don't really care to re-write it all at the moment, maybe later. In the mean time Brad pointed out that as a relation to Gloria, my Gram would also then be a relation to Anderson (who lately has taken more of the limelight than his mother ever did when I was a kid). I was actually able to meet and speak with her my freshman year of college and exchange some genealogical information about our common ancestors. She was very gracious and sweet. I will never forget that day.
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Sangroncito emailed me asking how we were related so I fired up Family Tree Maker to get the exact name date info and transferred it via my digital camera into a jpg file.. which I am uploading here:


It is a descendency chart from "Commodore" Cornelius Vanderbilt to both my grandmother (Claire Arnett) and Anderson. As you can see by the caption on the bottom they are exact 4th cousins, despite the age difference. That is due to Gloria's age (43) when Anderson was born and as well her father Reggie's age (44) when she came into the world. You can read more about Gram's 3rd Great Grandfather The Commodore by clicking on his name above. He was a fascinating man for sure, and whose likeness stands in front of Grand Central Station in NYC.

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Laters :)

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