I was born of a girl who was barely a woman..
I was reborn to a woman who was barely a wife..
I married a woman who was barely a partner..
It is a small wonder I've barely a life..
Sometimes you start thinking about how things come to pass, and your mind races backward into the depths of your memory to possibly grasp some event or relationship which may have shaped your destiny. I try to avoid this, because my past has been incredibly eventful, from the moment I was pulled from my birthmother's body to this very morning when I made myself breakfast, there are far too many things to consider and well, I would go mad should I try and make sense of it all. This little silly poem I wrote just now was an attempt at some sort of rationalization, I'm not sure that it exactly makes sense or even follows a consistent path, but for the fleeting seconds it took to type, everything was clear.
Funny how that can happen, one moment everything makes complete sense and then you start to analyze perhaps too much and it begins to fall apart into pieces, confusing you and challenging the very thoughts which brought you to that particular conclusion. I don't blame anyone for the person I have become, I am a grown man whose life is a result of decisions I freely and coherently made, some without consideration for others, some laden with guilt, and others, well for no apparent motive apart from some sort of instant gratification. I am where I am at this very moment because of these decisions, and not because my natural mother gave me up at birth, or that my adoptive father was gay or even because I married a woman under somewhat false pretenses (even given the fact that I had not yet faced the "demons" which lurked just below the surface and chose to keep them hidden lest I be found to be a deviant pretender, I mean they were only thoughts I could just push downward internally and ignore). All three women did the best they could given the situations to which they were exposed, I am who I am in spite of and not as a result of my relationships with them. Ugh... and this is why we should try not to over analyze things, take responsibility for our actions, and most importantly, look forward and not back.
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