Friday, August 31, 2007
another Friday has arrived, it amazes me how fast time flies the older we get. I try and make this less depressing by working towards a goal which requires time to achieve results, in this way the time passing is sort of a positive thing. Does that make any sense? It does to me (maybe I am losing my mind...)
So it's been better than two months since I began (yet again) to run and lift. It's a very positive boost to self esteem and the ego when you begin to see results. Of course (like time passing) it is a bit more of a struggle as we travel thru our thirties heading toward the big 4-ohhhhh (a very scary number indeed).
Of course working out at home has it's advantages (I dislike cruisy gyms, and also to work out in public) and disadvantages (needless to say the lack of equipment, I have only freeweights and a tread mill)
The main issue I have is that it is hereditary in my family (my birthfather has the same issue) that we have a very flat upper chest (boney in fact, check out this picture from yesterday's HNT to see what I mean) We just don't have even a semblance of pec-age. I am just looking to build up something in this area..
this would be nice :)

but unrealistic methinks...
I was wondering if anyone knows of a way to build up your chest using an excercize ball, free weights or anything you could do at home to work on this area...
any advice would be most appreciated..
I mean my abs are starting to stick out farther than my chest! lol
anyway... have to run work calls, thank god for a long ass weekend
Thursday, August 30, 2007
a little MEME and a little HNT

Four things Meme
(I am a lazy slacker today...)
Four jobs I’ve had
  1. Genealogist
  2. Managed Old Tyme Photo at an Amusement Park
  3. Lifeguard
  4. IT
Four movies I can watch over and over
  1. The Color Purple
  2. Sleepy Hollow
  3. Polyester
  4. Schindler's List
Four places I’ve lived (yea this one is pretty sad, three of these are in the same county)
  1. Springfield, MA.
  2. Feeding Hills, MA.
  3. Southwick, MA.
  4. Lowell, MA.
Four TV shows I love(d)
  1. The Office (UK)
  2. Heroes
3. Family Guy
4. South Park
Four places I’ve vacationed (my favorites I guess, I've traveled a bit)
  1. Monte Carlo, Monaco
  2. Palma de Mallorca, Spain
  3. Palermo, Sicily
  4. Copenhagen, Denmark
Four of my favorite dishes
  1. Paella Marisco
  2. Eggplant Rolatini
  3. Authentic Mexican anything
  4. Grilled Swordfish
Four sites I visit daily
  2. V.U.B.O.Q.
  3. BBC News
  4. Bank of America
Four places I would rather be right now
1. Swimming off some exotic beach
2. Hiking in the wilderness
3. cruising on the Mediterranean in a yacht
4. anywhere but here (work)
Four of my favorite bands/Artists:
  1. Nirvana
  2. Three Days Grace
  3. Sum 41
  4. Hawthorne Heights
I am supposed to tag someone, but I hate to put that pressure on my friends :)

haven't done this in a while for personal reasons ... but I guess once in a while is ok :)
I've been working out and running the past two months, starting to see results ( a little).

---->Click Here<---- ---
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
What a fracking bitch...
Leona Helmsley's dog inherits $12 Million Trust
ok so this witch died leaving over $4 Billion in assets. She had only 5 surviving relations, a brother and 4 grandchildren (her son Jay predeceased her). So who gets the largest bequest of all? Apart from her charitable trust, it is her freaking dog!! The little mutt inherits a $12 Million trust administered by Leona's brother. Said brother is left several million to act in that capacity (and for no other reason). What about her four grandchildren, the offspring of her deceased only child? Two are disinherited outright, and the remaining two are left trusts of $5 Million each PROVIDED (and this one gets me) they visit their father's grave at least once a calendar year or (and these are her exact words) "They will not receive a penny of the $5 Million I have left to each of them". I wonder how one would prove that they have visited the grave, is there a finger print recognition system and a log book?
apparently two of her grandchildren were disinherited because they chose to marry catholics (Leona was Jewish). Fry in hell you miserable hag!! there I feel soooo much better :)
moving right along ....
so its officially been 2 months today sans hooch and also since I have started running/working out (yea I know yet again...). I feel pretty great with my progress, I can already see the definition coming back in my arms and legs and stomach. Maybe there is an HNT Shot in the near future (sheesh it's been so long since I posted one).
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
so yesterday I was hurrying to pick up my son after work, I was going about 70 in a 65 and was in the fast lane. I came up behind two women in a car going about 60. I did not get right up in their stuff, but was close enough that the driver knew it was time to pull over into the other lane and allow me to proceed. After all the LEFT lane is the passing lane.
I notice she's making some sort of weird jabbing movements and her hammy little hand is in the shape of the finger. She keeps pointing that fat little hand over to the right as if telling me to pass her. Ok so I pull over into the right lane...
The bitch swerves over into the land a second before I do cutting me off...
Then when I pull back into the original lane, she pulls back in front of me..
This scenario is repeated twice... all the time, that fat little bejeweled hand of hers is hanging out of her window pointed straight to the sky... a true lady in all respects..
At the end of the exit (which forks) she stays in the middle of the road, evidently to see which direction I plan on turning. When I signal, she swerves over into my lane..
When on the side road she reduces her speed to about 30 (the limit is 40).. intermitantly sticking her fat little hand out the window to remind me of her horrible displeasure that 10 minutes ago I dared get too close to her from behind.
Finally after about 2 miles she swerves off the road, but not before her passenger joined in for a little bird love...
all I can say is that she lucked out with me... there are plenty of people out there that would have met that witch's insanity tenfold, possibly even followed her a distance and took it to the actual pavement outside the car. I mean I have my moments where someone really pisses me off on the road (I would think we all do) and if it's really bad I spout off a few explicatives as I pass the person, but ya know.. after yesterday I think I have learned one thing and that is how much of a fool we make of ourselves over something so stupid.
anyway... this clip illustrates how two people can be consumed by road rage (hysterical)

Monday, August 27, 2007
event filled weekend....

Friday a friend and I went to see Bourne Ultimatum... Why you ask? Because it was a really bad week for movies. There wasn't anything that appealed to me, except this one (kinda-sorta). I had seen the first two and enjoyed them, I wasn't disappointed (except for talentless Julia Stiles). Damon was incredible kept you on the verge of your seat throughout. From what I understand he won't sign up for any more of the Bourne flics... that's sad but I can't say that I blame him.

Saturday was a pool day at my aunts with the kids. Got a bit burned on my face, swam like mad, and then headed out to 99's for dinner.
Sunday we were off to my sisters to celebrate my step-father's birthday. The kids were bored but we held out for a few hours until the cake and then bolted out of there.
funny thing happened tho... a first for me
There were about 30 people there, most I knew, some I didn't, including this very goodlooking guy I knew that I had met but couldn't place the face. He was 25ish goatee, built and sort of shy. Half way thru the day I remembered that I had met him 3 or 4 years ago at a bar in Northampton called Diva's (It's Gay, go figure right?) and also had talked to him a couple times on Gay.C. I don't think he remembered me but perhaps he did and was not saying anything. I don't know if he's out to family, he was there with his father. Maybe I will see him online sometime and I can ask what he thought of my killa Cheesecake. :)
Last night I went to see The Last Legion...

as I said before, it was a tough weekend for flickage.. not much to choose from. I saw the previews for this during Bourne and being mad-fascinated with The Roman Empire decided I really wanted to catch this one way or anutha. It was actually very well done. The story centered around a young boy who was an heir to The Caesar dynasty late in the Roman Empire, long after it had split in two (East & West) and was set in the year 410 A.D. The young boy's claim to The Roman Empire was challenged by the invading Goth forces and the story revolves around his attempt to escape north into Brittania, constantly battling off would be captors trying to return him to Rome where he would certainly be put to death. Rent it, I mean it is no 300, but definitely enjoyable and action packed (not in the least cheesy or B-movie-esque).

I can't get this song out of my head ... my current addiction
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus -- Face Down

I got to see these guys play a couple weeks back in Mansfield.
also check out their cover of Staind's Outside...

Friday, August 24, 2007
I am going to go insane...

If I have to hear the words

"Hey there delilah..."

once fracking more... grrrrr

As if it wasn't enough that here at work we get this crappy radio station playing through our speakers all day ..... they seem to be playing two particular songs like 5 times a day, and....

While waiting at the dentist yesterday, reading my magazine I heard the intro start...

"Hey there F**(&%^) Delilah" began.... soon a little girl and her brother across from me piped in and started singing along, then came the receptionist.... I had to restrain from myself.


I hate that song, I would rather hear nothing than this crappy repetative mainstream garbage. Anyway... *whew* the song just ended, I'm good for another two hours before I am subjected to it again, or maybe the other revolving nightmare, Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani.
"wooooo hooooo" "woooo hoooo" ugh...........................
*strangles Gwen with Piano wire*

whew, sorry that was a bit dramatic.. We have tried tampering with the speaker (which is attached to the ceiling, volume control snapped off by security because we were turning it down, and evidently people in this room were missing pages from other departments because of it) without results.

Ya know, mainstream America (I assume this radio station is fufilling some sort of popular demand) has the shittiest taste in music, they really do.

Well today is Friday at least. It is also my shortest day (I get out at 3).
no concrete plans for the weekend, primarily because I am just about as broke at the moment as I have ever been. A few months ago, an old credit card company (Capital One) sued me for an old card balance. My credit limit was $300 yet they are telling me I owe them $1100. Anyway they won the case back in June and I agreed to pay them $75. a month, it's totally killing my budget. Electric , Cell Phone, Cable ... is all late. It definitely adds to my stress level, but I guess I'll live.
To make things worse, Ticketmaster emailed me this morning offering up free tickets to Projekt Revolution in Hartford. I so want to go, (MCR & Taking back Sunday are two of my favorite bands) I tried to snag tickets back when they became available, but at the time I was strapped (what else is new) and now they are handing out 2 free tickets but you have to pay a small parking fee. Also the seats are Lawn :( I mean the venue is smallish, I've been many times but still ...
Everyone have a great Friday :)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
He would have been 37 today..
(Born today 23 August 1970)
River Phoenix on Homosexuality
"It still strikes me as strange that anyone can have any moral objection to someone else's sexuality. It's like telling someone else how to clean their house."
I still remember exactly where I was when news broke that he died Haloween 1993, back then I had Prodigy dial up for internet (was before most people had AOL or even Windows for that matter, everything was DOS based) I remember signing on and Prodigy had his picture on their main screen. We were roughly the same age and I pretty much grew up watching his films, such a great loss.
I haven't forgotten.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
After numerous searches, forum posts, downloaded software and excellent advice I had to accept that the external drive mentioned in my previous post is fried. There is no savable data, it's all gone...

I am still sort of in shock ... hasn't sunk in yet but eh ... what can be done?

went to the dentist today for my first of two veneer application appointments..
all I can say is FREAKING OUCH... my mouth is really sore.
so this is what my smile will look like after the next (and last) appointment right??....
ok maybe not quite... but still. Amen to what Cosmetic Dentistry has done for Jude Law.
I was pretty skeptical at first over the procedure, but am feeling better about it now (that there is no turning back). Anyone else out there had Veneers done?
Between the 2 months of lifting, nightly runs and now this ... I'll soon have to fight the potential dates off with a stick. Maybe not, but I sure as hell feel a lot better about myself because of it.
now I just need to find the fountain of youth and I'll be all set!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
last night....

my external 160G Drive passed away ... it's little green light began to flicker, then flash on and off . When I attempt to access it via My Computer, I get a message "This drive is not formatted, do you wish to format it now?" WTF!
ok so my pc is old (Nov 2002) and the main drive is a paltry 40G. I bought this external about 2 years ago to hold the enormous amount of images and videos I use for my Genealogy websites and as well the thousands of pictures over the years as my family heaps boxload and boxload of old albums upon my lap (I am an only child and grandchild, you can imagine). I had transferred the entire contents of drive C at that point and have added to that directly since tenfold.
well, it's all gone evidently, with little or no indication there was a problem. It's fried.
I feel like a family member died or my cat got hit by a car..
the sense of loss is incredible, 6 years of files, documents, pictures, movies. So much that I probably will never realize some of the stuff I have lost. ugh....
Monday, August 20, 2007
can u tell I had a rough night? ....
(hideous photo removed)
and no I wasn't drinking, it's been almost 2 months now. :)
I didn't get to sleep until 1:30 last night .. and up at 6
playing around with my new Fusic camera phone.
1.5 MP, so much better than my old piece of crap... I need a shave.
ehk Monday... and Camel sex!

so last night my friend messaged me and said "hey let's go for some coffee" ....

we grabbed some coffee and then drove around, ending up around Bradley Airport just 20 miles south of me in Windsor Locks, CT. We sat, talked etc for an hour or so and started heading back...

after a couple miles his car overheated and we had to pull over and call to have it towed.

I got home after midnight and then couldn't sleep (because of the coffee I guess ....)

As a result I overslept this morning, missed breakfast and am pretty cranky right now

not to mention I have ONE cigarette left and plan on making it my last (I am also completely broke after this past weekend, I have $7.00 in my account till Friday)

I am counting change at the moment.... trying to figure how I will make it through the week


$14.27 .... not so bad I guess. :(

oh and in other news...
Beastiality with Camels is evidently not recommended...stick with sheep!
Pet camel kills Australian woman
Camels in Australia - file photo
Camels were brought to Australia in the 1840s for transportation
A woman in Australia has been killed by her pet camel after the animal may have tried to have sex with her.

The woman was found dead at the family's sheep and cattle ranch near the town of Mitchell in Queensland.

The woman had been given the camel as a 60th birthday present earlier this year because of her love of exotic pets.

The camel was just 10 months old but already weighed 152kg (336lbs) and had come close to suffocating the family's pet goat on a number of occasions.

On Saturday, the woman apparently became the object of the male camel's desire.

It knocked her to the ground, lay on top of her and displayed what the police delicately described as possible mating behaviour.

"I'd say it's probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing," the Associated Press news agency quoted Queensland police Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory as saying.

Young camels are not normally aggressive but can become more threatening if treated and raised as pets.

Saturday, August 18, 2007
Iranian Guards vow to 'punch' U.S.
(An Iranian Revolutionary Guard special forces unit takes part in military maneuvers)

Iranian Guards vow to 'punch' U.S.

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) -- Iran's elite Revolutionary Guards said they would not bow to pressure and threatened to "punch" the U.S., in their first response to Washington's plan to list them as a terrorist organization, newspapers reported Saturday.

Local press in the Iranian capital of Tehran quoted Revolutionary Guards leader Gen. Yahya Rahim Safavi saying that he could understand Washington's ire toward the group because of their "leverage" against the U.S

"America will receive a heavier punch from the guards in the future," he was quoted as saying in the conservative daily Kayhan. "We will never remain silent in the face of U.S. pressure and we will use our leverage against them."

There was no elaboration on what Safavi meant by the punch or the organization's "leverage."

Washington has accused the Guards of supporting militias and insurgent groups attacking U.S. forces in Iraq -- charges Iran denies.


Reading articles like this sadden me on so many levels (let's not even go into that Iran is the birthplace of my grandparents, and that I am half Persian, the predominant and ancient ethnic group of that nation)
As I have posted in the past, I am highly skeptical over whether what we are being fed via the press is completely accurate. I am in contact with friends/relations who have much more of a "grass roots" perspective and who plead with me not to believe so much of the propaganda and careless "exited" journalism making its way into our homes and PCs.
I'm afraid to admit it is just this type of carless exited journalism on both sides which will serve to worsen the situation (as if we can even fathom "worse" at this point).
I try not to read most of these reports, but often I find myself doing just that and what I start to feel is a mixture of anger, anxiousness, frustration, helplessness and most of all fear.
I'm sure many if not most of you feel the same way, so we try to get on with our lives, almost intentionally ignorant of what the press is reporting. Ignorance is bliss right? Or is it...
How many of you avoid clicking on sensationalistic links such as:

Mortars, Bombs in Iraq's North Kill 11

Suicide attacks cause major bloodshed in Iraq

U.S. clashes with Iraq militants

U.S. gets no Arab promises of Iraq help

I know most of the time I do...
I found this vintage video interview compelling. It is from 1974 and it is an interview with (then) Iranian Shah Rezah Pahlavi in which he describes how he feels the (United States) media is influenced by the "Jewish-American" financial (& naturally as a result Political) powerhouse. It is a rather heated interview. Keep in mind of course Rezah Pahlavi was overthrown (for those of you who are unfamiliar) and exiled from his native country by religious fundamentalists headed by the infamous Ayatollah khomeini, but that is only a side point. Pahlavi was a moderate in Iran, one who considered himself a "friend" of The United States. It was during his reign (in 1948) that my grandparents arrived into the USA. Pahlavi's successors in Iran had a much more intense and condemning attitude toward Israel and the supposed "Jewish-American" powerhouse which (allegedly) served to (using it's vast Political influence) initially create and later sustain it's existence.

Friday, August 17, 2007
and as I haven't done this in a while....
Crank Call Friday, from The Jerkey Boy's own Frank Rizzo.


Thursday, August 16, 2007
I fracking love Tracey Ullman...
watch this thru ... you will love it!!

I found this article very interesting....

Reflections on aging

dress and behavior for gay men who are growing older
Advocate, The by Richard Gollance

It was one of those moments that make you doubt the whole concept of intimacy. I was getting dressed for work, finally feeling relaxed enough in my job as a writer-producer on a prime-time TV series to wear jeans to the office. My partner watched from across the bedroom. "Don't you think it's time you surrendered?" I didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"Maybe it's time to give up the 501s. You look so much nicer when you wear slacks."
I measured my words carefully. "Are you saying I shouldn't wear jeans anymore?"

"Not at all. That's why I bought you those looser-fitting jeans at Replay. I'm just saying, not the 501s."

For a long moment I just stood there. I was angry, and I was hurt, but I wasn't going to show it. After all, maybe he was right. Or maybe he was telling me the tight 501s made me look cheap. Maybe he didn't want me to be too attractive to other men.

I took off the 501s and put on a pair of khakis. "Does this look better?"
"Very handsome."
We ate breakfast in silence.

Is this the moment every gay man dreads? Someone tells you kindly or unkindly, "Honey, you're just too old to be hot."
Several days later at work, the celebrated executive producer of another series passed by our offices. Several years older than I am and with a Pillsbury Doughboy body, he was wearing a pair of tight 501s and a form-fitting shirt with the top three buttons open. At that moment I was so grateful that my partner had had the courage to be honest.
Knowing when to surrender: I suspect that for most of us the realization arrives two or three years after it should have. And it's not just about how we dress. It's the whole package. It's how we see ourselves and how we present ourselves to others. At 49, I don't know any gay man in my age group who isn't wrestling with this dilemma

As baby boomers--the first generation of gay men to come of age post-Stonewall--we've always prided ourselves on our youth and our sexuality. But now we're no longer young. And the only role models we have of sexy gay men are at least 15 years younger than we are.

The big fear, of course, is that we'll never get laid--or, more precisely, that no one will ever want us. It doesn't matter if we've been in a monogamous relationship for the past 25 years and wouldn't think of doing anything anyway. We still want someone to want to jump our bones.

A few weeks ago I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in months. I had always known him as having a full head of suspiciously black hair. Now all of a sudden he had a full head of ... white hair! What happened? He told a sad tale: Depressed over losing a job he thought would last forever. Going out every night and not getting any attention. The gray hair was coming in faster than ever--too fast to keep up with, really, and what difference did it make? In a binge of self-pity, he let it grow out. Then all of a sudden he was getting more attention. And the gray hair didn't make him feel any different or even any older. I think it makes him look more self-confident.

Sean Connery remains one of the sexiest men in the world in part because he seems so comfortable with who he is, including his age. "Surrendering" doesn't mean letting yourself go; it's knowing who you are and not pretending to be otherwise. It's appreciating the range of knowledge and the variety of experience that comes from all those years of living fully. It's recognizing the strength that comes from surviving. It's knowing that what you bring to the table can actually be an asset. It can make you more interesting--to someone who's looking for a man, not a boy.

Can we ever feel comfortable with ourselves if we're not sure whether we're pulling off an illusion? Can we ever project self-confidence if we're worried about the seams showing? Maybe we need to foster images of sexy older gay men--and not some incredibly buff "Ripley's Believe It or Not" dipped-in-formaldehyde specimens.

In the end, maybe it's about knowing how to market yourself: how to take advantage of what's most attractive about yourself and putting that forward. Maybe, more than anything else, it's actually believing it.

Gollance is a veteran television writer-producer who's working on his master's in gerontology at USC.


sort of depressing ... don't you think?


If I don't find someone by the time I am 40 I think I'll just hang up my hat (literally) and let everything just go.... *sigh* Why bother when over 35 and average looking means :

1) You have to be the stronger (wealthier) partner (I am on a pretty tight budget currently)

2) Have to end up with someone who is not your peer (years older usually) and usually doesn't do it for you sexually. After all almost anyone who can be considered "hot" over 30 is capitalizing on that in the Twink marketplace. I don't really want a twink, but rather someone my age who is chemically (at least) compatable. It's just not going to happen, If I see one more profile for a 30something year old looking ONLY for under 30....

ok so mayble I am being dramatic (a bit) but still....


Wednesday, August 15, 2007
so I've been sober now over a month.... trying to make the most of my time (evenings especially) and power walking every night 4 miles. I've actually started jogging for part of it, but the last thing I need is too much cardio (6' 150) so I don't get carried away. Anyway... I have always found listening to podcasts on my Ipod the most enjoyable way to get through a good walk/workout and lately have been catching up on Dan & Jimmy Variety Cast..

The main reason (apart from the fact that these two guys are really funny and worth a listen, especially if you are a Gay Blogger) is that I have been blogger friends with them both since they started blogging, and not so long ago they had me on the show, and I either know or have read nearly everyone they have interviewed to date. It seems we are a very well connected group, if you don't know a particular blogger in our "circle" you certainly have friends in common. Pretty amazing methinks.

anyway..... one of their most recent casts included an interview with 33 year old (openly gay ) Israeli singer Ivri Lider. If you don't know who he is, please check out his website here:

and his first English language video for a song he wrote to be included on an upcoming LBGT compilation CD. I don't think I've ever heard anything quite like it, I prefer it without the visual (video) because it takes something away from the power of the song (in my opinion) but as of yet the mp3 is not anywhere to be found. :( In any case, listen to this song ...

that's a wrap for today...
Friday, August 10, 2007

my son and I set off at about 10AM for Mansfield to hit Vans Warped Tour at The Tweeter Center. 63 Bands on 8 stages, starting at noon and ending somewhere around 9:30. We got home around 11. Amazing show, one of the best ever....

Here's who played:

We were able to catch Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The Starting Line, New Found Glory, Bad Religion and Hawthorne Heights. We also stood in line for about an hour and met Hawthorne Heights (which is my favorite of all)... they signed my sticker:

(took this with my new cell, the Sprint Fusic)

Video: Hawthorne Heights -- Ohio is for lovers

Had today off also... had heaps to do, cleaning, laundry, errands .... ehk
hope everyone has an amazing weekend :)