Friday, May 19, 2006
Corned Beef and tears..

I had dinner with Gram tonight, which has become a weekly routine of late. Thursday's are her favorite, Corned beef & Cabbage at a local restaurant (I had Haddock). She is getting older (82) and her memory is failing rather rapidly. Normally our conversation centers around her weekly routine, my kids, her issues with my Aunt (her daughter) and well just general rehashing of the time since we last were together. Tonight was different, well something has happened which she is not dealing with so well, and as I can completely understand, it is for the best.

Her physician had recommended that she complete a few tests to determine her ability to drive. We knew this was coming, hell I believe my Aunt has even pushed for this. While her driving is still beyond criticism, her capacity to retain new information is deteriorating daily. It's just not safe for her to be behind the wheel anymore. She was tested, the doctor told her that she would have to give up driving soon, and if pressed he would see to it her license was revoked. She didn't naturally take it so well, anger ensued, she was rude (which is typical for her condition) and now she has retreated into a state of depression.
She cried tonight, which I have not seen her do since my father (her son) passed away. My grandmother is a very reserved woman, she does not express emotion very easily in public or hell even in a private setting. That is why it was especially difficult to watch the tears flow.

"What else do I have?"
"What will I do?"
"I live alone and so far from everything"

Gram has always had few friends, always the independent distrustful soul, she never saw the need. She also has never been the type of woman to join elderly organizations, finding the people less than interesting. She has always relied on her self and her ability to go wherever the whim served her. She is going to have to make some serious adjustments now, we all are. As I said it's for the best, but nevertheless pains me to see her cry and look so much like a helpless child.

moving right along... today is my most recent ex's birthday, he's 27.
Happy Birthday Tyler :)

(his 23rd bday at my mother's in 2002)

We lived together for 3 years (2000-2003) but don't speak anymore, it was kind of a rough break up and he very much resents me on many levels because of the hurtful things that occurred between us. I'm still trying to get him to come get his 6 boxes of personal possessions out of my cubby space downstairs here. There were 10 originally but the pipes burst last year in the old house and half of his stuff was ruined. I've only seen him twice since we split, in a bar downtown. He still harbors a grudge or something and felt it was venting time. Hope he's happy wherever he is and whatever he's doing.


ok this post is getting depressing I need a laugh..

I used to do this theme thing called


where I would upload a comedy call and for some reason I've been laxed of late so today I will start again. This one is from The Touchtone Terrorists, one of my favorite teams (next to The Jerkey Boys) they have been featured on Howard Stern and Crank Yankers. In this call an inebriated woman calls for customer service only to be pushed around from one rude representative to another. It's definitely worth a listen, she is priceless....

Save The Drama for your Mama...

(click above to listen, right click to save)


Laters :)

S90 C10 150

Blogger Hanuman1960 said...
Jim, I'm so sorry for the troubles that you and your family are going through right now.

At least your grandmother has a family who can drive her around. Many seniors don't. I worry about that for myself when the time comes...

It was kind of surprising to see you wishing your ex a happy birthday. Do you still have feelings for him? After three years, I think most people would have chucked his belongings out. Maybe it's time that you thought about doing that. (Just my two cents)

Enjoy your weekend!! :)

Blogger Brad said...
Trust me Jim I know all about how difficult it is to watch your grandparents deteriorate mentally before your eyes. It is incredibly difficult to deal with. My worst nightmare is having to see the same thing happen to my folks.

The call was hilarious! I would have loved to hear her reaction if, at the point where she says I have you on tape... they would have started playing back HER out takes to her hahaha!

Blogger . said...
Sorry about your gram. That has to be tough. I will keep her in my prayers.

I didn't listen to your Crank call...just not in a mood to be funny today. MIGHT come back later though.

peace and thanks for what you ahve done.

Blogger Polt said...
My dad's mom suffered from Alzheimers and she would babble incoherently, didn't recognize us a few times,would laugh, cry and scream out at the top of her lungs for no reason. Her death, honestly, was a blessing.

SO i understand what the deterioration can be like. It's truly heart breaking. The best you can do is be there for her, no matter what, cause you know she'd do the same for you. And I know you will.


Blogger BriteYellowGun said...
I know it has to be hard on your gramma but it really is for the best. When my granny started losing her memory it was still called Senility, nobody knew much about Alzheimers back then. Anyway, she would get in her car and get lost! Scary for her as well as us since nobody understood what was happening.

Blogger Miz BoheMia said...
Does your grandma have Alzheimer's? As polt up above said, many friends of ours whose family members died of the disease were relieved when it finally arrived... it literally is a slow death as you lose them way before the physical one occurs...

So sorry you have to live through something so hard! You handle it allwith such grace though! With a father like you, your boys will be amazing men! Boho hugs and kisses coming your way my friend!

Blogger Kalvin said...
I'm sorry about that. It sounds really difficult. We used to hide the keys from my Grandfather. My own partner's uncle was killed by an older person that wasn't supposed to be driving. He had issues with his own father and dimensia and would literally go out and dismantle the car so he couldn't drive. That doesn't mean it isn't painful or isolating. It's tough all around. I hope that things get better soon.

I loved the call. I agree that my favorite part was "Save your drama for your mama." Other than that, "eat your dick", I have to admit that she doesn't have the most fluid curses. But maybe that's a good thing.

Blogger Sandouri Dean Bey said...
all the more reason why she appreciates the time you spend with her, i'm sure.

Blogger Spider said...
I understand what you are going through with your Grandmother, and if your relationship with her is anything like mine was with mine, it is even more difficult...

The ex is cute - just goes to show that it takes more than cute to make a relationship work...

Blogger Nick said...
Im sorry about whats going on with your Gram. If you stop to think about it, this is probably the best thing for her and everyone else that may be driving around her. I know she doesnt see it that way, I wouldnt either if I was her, but it is the safest thing for everyone.

Today is May 19th and it should be just that to you too, who cares if its his birthday.

Blogger Nick said...
Oh yeah I almost forgot...

are you a messanger guy??

hehehe :)

It was a horrible day when we had to take the keys from my dad. He was trying to drive to visit my stepmom in the hospital, but he was running into stop signs, etc.He was 83(I was a late child, taken from him at a very early age).He and his 2nd wife died within a week of each other. That was a broken connection in my life. At least you have your gram. Maybe reminding her of that will help her.
feeling kind of sad,

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...
PG, I think you should find out where the x is and leave the stuff on his doorstep. I mean, sheesh, storage space is expensive...let him have it all back.....

As for gramma, you are a good kid, hanging out with her.....I dont have a solution though....maybe hire someone to take her shopping etc? She'll be pissed at you though! LOL

Blogger barefoot_mistress said...
Oh yeah I wanted to say dont worry about the Tori quiz...getting there pals dont know tori like you know tori so go ahead and be late! XX

Blogger Phoenixboi said...
Hey Bello...
It's even more important now you spend as much time with your Gram as you can.

I needed the laughs today! Thanks Bello this was one of my favourites! xox

Blogger Jim said...
I think that has to be one of the worst things about getting older. Surrendering that huge piece of your independence. But better now than after something bad happens. As you say, her memory is failing rather rapidly. With that surely her driving skills will as well.
At least we know that she'll have you there to help her out when you can. And that will be so invaluable to her.
You are such a good guy Jim.

Blogger Jer said...
Thanks for the post about "The Da Vinci Code" on my blog. I've heard bits and pieces of some of the theories about Jesus' relationship with Mary Magdalene, so I'll have to look further into that school of thought.

Anyway, that's a very poignant post about your grandmother. My dad's mother passed away a few years ago, and the last couple of years she went from being a fiercely independent woman to a to a progressively feeble person both mentally and physically. As her dementia set in it was difficult, but we learned to find the humor in some of the situations and the things the said, and to appreciate the time we had with her.

Best wishes,

Blogger Jim said...
Jim, its sad but better to stop her from driving now (if that is the decision) before she winds up slamming her car into a parked school bus, like my grandmother did, twice.

"He just took out right in front of me" - she said

"But grandma, the bus was parked, turned off and noone was in it" - we said.

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