Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Way Back Wednesday...
Lucie Archambeau Mercier
( my 3rd Great Grandmother)
born 24 January 1834 Sainte Jude de Saint Hyacinthe, Quebec
died 9 April 1911 Springfield, Hampden County, Massachusetts
married 2 Jul 1853 Palmer, Massachusetts
Edouard Mercier (1830-1908)
Lucie emigrated in 1848 into The United States via Vermont
She worked in the Mills
She married at 19
She bore 16 children (including 2 sets of twins) over a period of 25 years
She embraced Protestantism in 1885
She was devout
She was pious
She outlived 10 of her children
She was born and died without an incident of remarkable note.
Without her I would not be here.
I dedicate this Way Back Wednesday to you Lucie,
and honor your memory.
something different....

In the spirit of WBW I decided to go find my post from exactly 1 year ago.. and post the Picture I took that afternoon. Hah...memories :) here is the photo, taken October 11th, 2005.

at the end of the post on that day (Oct 11, 2005 was a Tori clip I am also including:)

Any of you that are in love or have loved will appreciate this I think.
Just close your eyes and listen to the lyrics ...

(Tori Amos, live on LOVELINE)

one last thing...
Happy 40th birthday
Luke Perry

something about this photo

no wait...

much better :)
S8 154

Ok I need to get something off my chest. It's been eating at me for a while now. Excuse this if it makes me sound a little off, but I need to talk about it or I will go crazy. I'm single (as anyone who reads even once in a while is very well aware). I have a hard time meeting people. I don't much enjoy bars (there was of course a time when I did, but that has passed) Chat is a place I can't stay in for long periods of time. After weeding though the bots, sicko's, & people with whom I have no interest in & who are looking for one thing (which seems to be the bulk of the online population), and then realizing that now, in my thirties I am at a great disadvantage to begin with, I get frustrated.
In any case, my rant. I have met 5 people in the past year. One from a bar and the other Four online. It is a very small number considering that I am a single healthy gay man with my own place and nearly every evening completely free. Here is a quick one line summary from each person:


Person 1: He tells me : "You look so much better with your clothes off.**

Person 2: There are no more instant messages from him after meeting.

Person 3: (Mr Bean) He calls often, is closeted and expects to hookup (no thanks)

Person 4: There are no more instant messages from him, he has me on block (I suspect)**

Person 5: He hasn’t called back since our meeting the other night. He messaged me online last night. I said I had a good time and that he was much more attractive than his picture. He said “Thanks” and that’s all he said. He then asked if I was free this week to come over and go in his hot tub. Whatever.... I can see where this is going.


Conclusion: People don't want me these days for anything other than sex. I am not promiscuous, I do not and will not "hookup". Just setting myself up for an empty experience, I've had enough of those thank you. The two in the above list that I did sleep with was after a considerable period of time, and I knew them pretty well by that point.


I used to get by and charm people with what I looked like IN clothes, I guess drinking heavily for 6 years has taken it's toll. Last night just really solidified what I've been sensing lately. I've lost it, and I look like hell (well as #1 above points out, until I get undressed) I will be single for the rest of my life. I feel like shit today.



Blogger Isolde said...
LMAO at the LP postion shift.

Blogger daveincleveland said...
dear handsome hot jim, do not beat yourself down, those people that want nothing more than sex are not worth the time, you have much to offer, much to give, are damned hot looking in clothes,and would be anyones joy to spend time with you taking walks, taking in a movie, cuddling on a couch watching a movie or just spending time with you....getting to know STOP IT! dave says
have a great day.:)

Blogger Doghigh said...
There is nothing that I could say that will make you feel better. I only know this because I often feel the way you describe (for different reasons and from a different place, but i digress).

What I will say anyway is that I think you are an attractive guy (in all states of dress that I have seen to date).

I also think you have SO MUCH to offer aside from stability, intelligence, fascinating interests, passion and compassion. I could go on but then I may miss something (or not be aware of something) but I think you see where this is going.

YOU ARE A CATCH. There are guys out there that will value you. They may not be immediately obvious but they are there, I'm confident of that.

Blogger Polt said...
Well, sweetie, firstly, although I can't believe I NEED to say this: you are a wonderful individual, in or out of your clothes, and you are pretty hot out of them as well.

Having stated the obvious, I'll move on. The places that you met these people perhaps are not condusive to relationships. When most people are online, when most poeple are hanging out in bars, they're looking for hookups. no not all (yourself being a perfect example) but I think that's a small minority.

Where else can you meet guys? Perhaps a hobby group, or club or something to join in your free time. A gay walking group (do that HAVE such things?), or if you attend a MCC church or something. Perhaps by hanging out with other gay friends in a non-sexual, hookup type setting (a group to a movie, a group camping or hiking trip, a gropu picnic?), you could someone interested in more than just a hookup.

But, sweetie, honestly, it ain't you.

BIG POLTY HUGS coming atcha, and many many pleasant thoughts!

Blogger Kyriell said...
i only found your blog a few days ago and i've been reading through your archives with great pleasure. the last bit of your post bummed me out so much. all i can say in response is that from where i sit i see an extravagantly beautiful man with a rich personal history and a huge heart. you also have a chest that made me swoon, but that's another story entirely. i think there is a sizeable gay male population that, like you, wants to meet other solid, quality men. unfortunately, most of those men don't go to bars and despair of finding love online. i think the best advice i ever heard when i was single was, do the things that you enjoy and you'll find someone. for me that was grassroots political work and when i started doing it, sure enough, i found people to be with, both as friends and lovers. do not despair because so many of us are still living out adolescent fantasies. you're pretty special and i'm positive that the man of your dreams is waiting for you just as anxiously as you're waiting for him. chin up.


Blogger Miladysa said...
What a woman Lucie was! :]

Unfortunately we have to wade through a few frogs but there will be a a Prince just waiting for you!

Blogger Spider said...
Bro - please do not put ANY STOCK in what these social losers have to say about you... you are a handsome, intelligent, witty man with a ton to offer a man - you would be a HELL of a catch for anyone!

Blogger Steve said...
Wait'll you get to be my age! Ha! I kid. I felt the same way you do for a very, very long time. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die broke and alone. And you know what? I was cool with that. I'll just say that old, tired line really is true: it'll happen when you least expect it. I met Chris and the rest is history. Oh yeah - we can't wait to meet you this weekend at QBB.

Blogger GayProf said...
Things will get better. Would you have really wanted to form a serious relationship with any of those guys, anyway?

Chin up, little trooper!

Blogger Doug said...
It's impressive how many pics and how much history you have of your family.

It sucks how hard it is to meet people. It will happen when it happens, when you least expect it. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let others' shallowness drag you down. You are so worthy of love.


Blogger purpletwinkie said...
Alright, you're having a down day. It's ok. I won't say it's easy to meet good-quality people, but they are out there. You are proof of that. I agree with Doug... some of the best things happen when we least expect it (or aren't looking for it). :)

Blogger Rian said...
I know these kind of thoughts very well, and I know it really sucks when you feel that way. But you are a very warm, cordial, nice, cute etc. guy and the one who will be your bf is very lucky. Like Polt said, maybe you met them at wrong places--at places where they only want hookups.
You're such a lovely guy, I KNOW that you won't be single for too long.
I'm thankful for Lucie, she did a great job, and thank God she's got this amazing 3rd great grandson :-)

*big hug*

Blogger Jim said...
16 children, ouch.

You haven't lost it, you just have higher standards, keep them. I find few quality people but those that I do find stick :)

Oh, Home Depot has worked out well for me in terms of meeting people. Just a thought :-)

Blogger Jeepy said...
Hey there! Im new to the blog world and stumbled across your blog while searching Western MA and Northern CT, Im like 2 towns over from you! Just had to say hi and let you know that I added you to my sidebar! My first addition, hopefully of many.

In your post today, I totally agree, the picture of Luke looks much better from the side, however, I didnt realize it was the same picture, and you should have seen me silting my head to see the picture hehe...

Also, I just had to say, that if all people are looking for in you are your looks and charm, then they are obviously you are meeting the wrong people. I have been single now going on 3 years... yeah I get lonley, but I turn to my friends in my time of need. Hopefully I will find the one and only person for the rest of my life... Until then, Im not going to sulk or let it get me down that maybe in the past I could have had something because I was younger and in better shape. yeah yeah yeah, I know, long post, but I just got so excited when I saw how close you lived to me! anyway, hope to chat soon

Jeepy :)

Blogger Benji said...
re: rant

yeah people suck

but you forgot about all the charming blogger people you've "met"... and i know it's no consolation, but i've waded through a bunch of shit online too... if i'm lucky, the guy i just met will be unlike the rest

Well, Jim... We're in the same boat. It's sad when you look at the guys you dated and you realize just how shallow people are... and you go to bars, looking for something deeper, and you realize just how shallow people are... and then you retreat to the only place that's safe - the internet, and you realize just how shallow people are.

It sucks when you look think, "Damn, there HAS to be someone out there like me... someone looking to date and not about the hook-up... someone who will treat me the same way I treat them..." and you never find them. And yet, you look at your friends in great, long term relationships and get all bummed out (or worse yet, envious) of what they have...

And people say, "When you least expect it..." but honestly, when is that really the case? I've met a lot of people when I least expected it... did it turn out to be anything deeper? Not yet.

But, throughout all this murk and mire... all this mud and dirt... all this sex and sleaze... there is someone out there... or at least you gotta hope there is. Because if you resign yourself and put your head down, no one will ever get to see you smile... no one will ever get to inch their way into your head... and no one will ever get past the wall you've built, thinking that there's no one out there...

So, it's time to coast, my friend... Don't actively pursue anything... let things happen. And perhaps one day... one day... either when you LEAST expect it or when you MOST expect it... someone will come... and beat down your door. It's time you become the hunted instead of the hunter... Let people want to get to know YOU instead of the other way around... and maybe he'll come searching.

Either that or go to Haagen Daz and buy a gallon of coffee ice cream and commiserate with me.

Blogger Joshua said...
I'm not sure what advice to give as I haven't been in your situation. I haven't dated much in my life. Don't know what's out there for me, when I do date again. But I have heard a lot of stories - like yours; and it freaks me out LOL. I have acquainted one online person and we spoke on the phone for the first time, last night. We talked for an hour and a half - and nothing led to any kind of sex talk. So maybe I'm lucky, or who knows? Hang in there. Meet people through friends. That's what I've always been told :)

Blogger patti_cake said...
Ooh I used to be CRAZY about Luke Perry when he was on 90210.
I love your WBW stuff!
It'll happen when you least expect it. (couldn't you smack me for laying it this cliche' shit) LOL

Blogger The Persian said...
dave: It's pretty hard not to considering my recent experiences. I can't thank you enough for always being there buddy. Love ya :)

doghigh: I guess I believe there is someone out there, my equal, my soulmate. My worry is that we will never find each other amidst a slew of Mr. Wrongs which seem to get in the way. :) Thank you so much for your kind words. *hugs*

Polty: Now when have you seen me out of my clothes? lol I love the idea of some sort of gay singles organization or hobby group. I am going to look into this. For me I think that sort of atmosphere would be perfect. Thanks buddy, you mean so much to me!

Kyriell: I'm so glad (and flattered) to hear you've been checking out the old posts. You really bring out a valid point "Do things that you enjoy and you'll find someone" I strongly believe that one of the most attractive traits in a person is passion. If you are passionate about something, people are naturally drawn to you. I really appreciate your comment, it's made me think about things in a new direction.

Miladysa: She really was quite a remarkable woman in many ways.

Spider: I'm quickly learning to overlook some of the things that have bothered me about these 5 guys. After all, the issues are more mine than theirs, they were honest for the most part, I just couldn't handle it and perhaps dwelled a bit too much on the negative. You are way too kind buddy, thank you so much for that comment. *hugs*

Steve: You are seriously my inspiration, you were where I am once and now look at the amazing relationship you have. I can't wait to meet you guys this weekend! :)

gayprof: That's very true, I guess I never looked at it from that angle. Excellent point. :)

doug: I have tons more, I am fortunate to have a small family and the one everyone turns to when "getting rid" of things. Thank you for that last line, sometimes I have to remind myself of this.

purpletwinkie: They do say that don't they, I guess it just gets frustrating after three years of being alone. I'll be ok, it just takes time and well, luck. :)

rian: Thank you my friend, You are always there for me and I so appreciate it. I'm pretty thankful for Lucie as well! *hugs*

jim: I know, can you imagine 16 children? AND she lived to be almost 80! You are spot on about the few quality people, but they are out there for sure. Home Depot? Really? hm...interesting

jeepy: Wow, I know Somers very well, I used to live in East Longmeadow which borders it. So glad you found the blog, I've been over to yours as well, very interesting *wink* I'll be sure to bookmark you neighbor :)

benji: I certainly have met some amazing bloggers, no arguement there. It just seems like they are either taken or on the otherside of the country/world! Much luck with your new guy :)

Rey: You hit the nail on the head (repeatedly)!
This line touched me the most...

"Because if you resign yourself and put your head down, no one will ever get to see you smile... no one will ever get to inch their way into your head... and no one will ever get past the wall you've built, thinking that there's no one out there.."

I completely agree, and to be honest I guess I never looked at it from that angle. Stop looking, leave yourself open and let life's distractions pass the time away. In the end things will most likely work out when we LEAST expect it.

If it doesn't I'm so taking you up on that Haagen Daz offer :)

Joshua: Sorry buddy if my post freaked you out, I was just venting and ya know maybe things aren't nearly as dismal as I have painted them (which I am quickly learning from these amazing comments). Great about the new guy, I hope it works out for you!
The fact that "sex talk" never came up is a great sign, TRUST ME!
I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope you post as things progress. *hugs*

Blogger potusol said...
You're preaching to the choir : )

I've been throught the ringer this past year with friendships, relationships, etc., but it helped me figure out a lot. It also made me really thankful for the good stuff in my life (not in a Pollyanna over the top kind of way, but still).

Keep your chin up kiddo, someone will find YOU when you least expect it. Or you can just move to Arizona.


Blogger steve'swhirlyworld said...
Good morning from the's my life. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't settle. I've been single for 5 years and haven't yet, and I'm sure I wont. Stick to what you believe in!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I ought to hop on the next plane smoking and come up there just to bitchslap you for being so hard on yourself. Allow me to be a brat for a moment and give you a list of reasons why:

1). You're intelligent and articulate. Anyone who reads your blog should be able to tell.
2). You look much younger than your age (like you never left that magical age of legality behind).
3). You're friendly and fun. Those who read your blog should be able to tell. Those whom you chat with KNOW.
4). See my "What's My Age Again?" Post. Twinks do not know everything. 30 is NOT over-the-hill or dead.
5). You look handsome/cute/charming/all those good things with your clothes ON. Person #1's remark was just a sleazy pick-up/bend-over line.
6). You're a certainty in a culture of ambivalence. That's something to be proud of.

But everyone deserves to rant. Now....breathe in; breathe out. Make sure no hidden cameras are nearby, break the nearest plate-glass window, and run like Hell. And when the cops come to question you, offer to show them your lower level.

And laugh like a mad hyena.

Then, breathe again.

(I hope this made you laugh, because after having such a shitty time, you certainly deserve it!)

Blogger dirk.mancuso said...
Even though it's been said before, I'm going to throw in my two cents and say it's pretty clear that you are a classy guy with intelligence, humor, good looks, and a hell of a lot to offer the man lucky enough to earn a place in your life. Don't let those 5 guys get you down on yourself. And don't lower your standards. Your Mr. Right is out there, and when you find him, he's going to be one VERY happy fella.

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