Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Way Back grammy & I
This one is my favorite of us, I think I was about 6

My paternal grandparents had two children, my late father and his sister who were two years apart. My Dad was intensely close to his mother, and my Aunt to her father. It is sad when children cling to one parent a bit more than the other, this has never been my experience but nevertheless it happens. Despite the death of both her brother and father, my Aunt remains distant emotionally from her mother.
My Aunt never married and to this day remains both single & childless (she just turned 60)
My father (obviously) married my mother and adopted me at age 2 1/2 months.
I was am therefore an only grandchild on Dad's side.
Naturally as my father was so very close to his mother, I became (and still am) as well
We always had this special bond, something which grew naturally between us, having little to do with her connection to her son (my father) and more to do with some sort of common adoration and love. I can't explain it really in any other way.
my parents divorced when I was three, my father left Mom for his (male) lover and proceeded to "come out", which naturally in the 1970's was a much different thing than it is today.
the courts were brutal to him, at first denying all visitiation between us
Gram fought like a General to see me regardless, petitioning the court for her own visitation
She succeeded, and was allowed to visit me for 2 hours at a time supervised
my father was not allowed to be present
in time my father was allowed to take me on Saturday's from 10-6
overnight visits were prohibited
He lived in Boston where he had established his own Interior Design Firm, entertained often, became an alcoholic, and as a result, his visits were often missed
Grammy never let me down, she was always there
My father passed away as the result of a cocaine overdose when I was 15
Grammy was devistated, as was I, we drew strength from one another
About 8 years ago, Gram began suffering from what has now become a sort of senile dementia. Her memories are fading away slowly, most of what is left predates my own birth, She becomes lost in her own youth and early marriage years. Sometimes I am her son, sometimes her nephew, other times just Jim. In a way I feel like I have lost her, yet in another I live in those precious memories we once shared.
I will always remember those old days Gram
enough for the both of us.
S1 156

Blogger patti_cake said...
That is wonderful Jim. You both are lucky to have had those special times. Cherish her with all your might. I miss my grandparents

and I SO covet that leopard bathing suit!

Blogger Doug said...
Your Gram sounds like a wonderful person. She's lucky to have you as a grandson.

Blogger Doghigh said...
As someone very close to his grandmother ("Nana") I really got choked up reading this entry.

It was very sweet and the sentiment is just perfect...hold on to the memories. So important.

Happy holiday, babe.

Blogger Stephen said...
Although it is the way of life, aging is not always kind. The important thing is to cherish all, the memories you both shared in the past and hopefully some memories when life is kind enough to allow her to live in the present.

Blogger Ur-spo said...
Touching post!

Blogger Brad said...
I'm struck by how similar our lives are. I too was close to my dad's mother and my dad is gay as well. She passed about 15 years ago but she is still missed. Especially around this time of year.

Blogger Spider said...
What a beautiful post for the day before Thanksgiving.. I can not tell you how much I miss my Grandmother...

Blogger cajunwolf said...
New Blog up and ready!!

Blogger Jimmi said...
I love the pictures!

Blogger john said...
Great pictures.
I think that in her heart, she has her memory of you.
Dementia is always difficult for the loved ones to bear. And I like that you said that you said you will remember for the both of you.
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Blogger TigerYogi said...
My grandparents all died by the time I was eight, so I only have vague memories of them.

You were, and are, a very lucky man. :)

Blogger Lemuel said...
Man, Persian, that was a powerful post! Your grandmother was obviously one special woman and I think it is telling that you are one special grandson. I am glad to hear that you have not abandoned her in her dementia. It is sad that your aunt and her mother could not forge a good relationship. The pictures were also wonderful!

Blogger Steve said...
Very nice post and great pics, too!

Blogger Curtis said...
She sounds like a wonderful lady. And what great hats!

Blogger steve'swhirlyworld said...
Wow Jim...very touching. I understand your relationship with your grandmother - I had that with my maternal grandmother. The pictures are awesome - you can see the love there (and you're very cute) - you've got to pass the stories down to your sons.
I'm very sorry that you're having to watch the memories slip from her - demetia is brutal.

Take care buddy, and Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that you're one of my pals.


Have you ever seen The Notebook? Nicholas Sparks wrote the book. I have often wondered if someone in your position would enjoy this movie or find it depressing. I also have a bond with my Gram like you. And the tears stream down my face when I say how much she means to me and how awful it will be to lose her. She is 89 and failing as well. Only it isn't her mind. Make every effort to be there with her even if she doesn't know it is you. I don't think it matters who she thinks it is, just that someoine is there and cares. Good Luck to you and her as well.

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