Saturday, November 04, 2006
people change...
"Friendship is delicate as a glass,
once broken it can be fixed
but there will always be cracks"
I mentioned a couple posts back that my friend Eric arrived back here from Greensboro, NC this past Wednesday. We made plans to do something Friday (last night) and while I was kind of tired and not really feeling like it, I kept my promise. He arrived here (my friend drove him because he doesn't have a car yet) around 4 with a huge bottle of wine...

and some cheap little plastic wine glasses (my glasses are packed away still, since I rarely ever drink wine). I was drinking coffee and relaxing when he got here, he was kind of edgy, complaining about being back up here, and how much he hates this area, calling all his friends down there and quickly consuming the entire bottle above (took him less than 2 hours).
Then he started getting really obnoxious, making lude comments to both my friend and I, and finally calling a mutual friend of ours who he hasn't spoken to in a couple years (they had a falling out) begging her to come out with us. One thing led to another, and at around 8 we set out to pick her up. By this time my friend was so incredibly hammered it was embarrassing. I should have anticipated this somehow.
We arrived at club #1 (Sin City) and proceeded to order drinks (we were still stone sober at this point). My friend was a mess, and spent so much time in the bathroom the owner went in and told him he had to leave. Apparently he was getting sick (I checked on him a couple times). Soon after he took off. He has historically had a drug problem, and this usually indicates he is going off to get something.
We couldn't find him after that. He seemed to disappear. We looked everywhere to no avail. We even asked people if they had seen him. We called his cell, he answered and then hung up. He had all three of our numbers. Nothing. At 1AM we were starting to get irritated. We tried one more time to call his cell and after leaving the 4th or 5th message left Springfield to take my other friend home.
I feel incredibly guilty today for leaving him wherever he was. I hope he's ok. I'm sure he will twist this into something where I abandoned him, but honestly we tried everything. And he was just so obnoxious and nasty I am partially pissed off and partially worried. Eh.. I hope he at least calls today and lets me know if he is ok. Looking back at my archives I notice a similar post about my friend from last year, when will I learn???
Have you ever had a friend that you shared so many special memories with over the years and who has completely changed not only in the way he treats you but others as well? Ever try and hold on to those memories through that friend and get repeatedly burned? That is what I am feeling like right now, burned.
anyway that was my night, it was great to see my other friend tho, she's always a blast. Drunken gay men love women in a bar, she was quite the center of attention, hell I even had to pry this creepy old guy off her repeatedly. She was too funny about it and loved the attention.
Thanks to everyone for your comments on the Mother/Son post yesterday. I so appreciate all of your perspectives and opinions and as a result I am looking at things a bit differently now. :)
Beer gives me such a hangover, not nearly as bad as wine, but still
S1 155

ok enough negativity, I introduce you to (for those unfamiliar) the hottest Turk that has ever lived (ok maybe a bit dramatic but still) TARKAN...


Blogger Polt said...
Hmmm, that night kinda sucked, eh?

I haven't had a friend like you mentioned, but I did have a friend, my BEST friend, betray me in a such a manner that I still hate him for it, even almost 14 years later. But that's not the same thing that you're talking about.

ANyway, good luck with all this. HUGS....

Blogger Jeepy said...
sounds like a rough night :(

Blogger Doug said...
I've had a couple experiences like that. I no longer keep in touch with the "friend" I had them with. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad friend, but after I gave him a few second chances, I made the [painful] decision that was right for me.

Blogger Ur-spo said...
a bummer of an experience!
getting close to others allows us to be burned; and time often changes people and friendships.
So both are common pains

Blogger dirk.mancuso said...
I am all too familiar with the getting burned business.

As for your friend, I can understand your mixed emotions. Hopefully next time he plans on visiting, you can recall these feelings and gently let him know he will need to find other accomodations/transportation when he arrives for his visit.

Hope everything works out okay.

Blogger Jimmi said...
I can totally relate but in a different way, my friend doesn't drink but the level of how much I feel burned from him over the years hasn't changed. He is just completely unreliable to anyone and it gets old. We had a blow up fight earlier this year and I was willing to end the friendship but then we resolved things. Where I still like his company, I still fell like something just isn't right. I have to agree with your statement a glass can be fixed, but there are always going to be cracks.

Blogger Alan said...
I have been your friend. Addiction (drugs and alcohol) send us into a new world. If he historically has had a drug problem, and he drank a bottle of wine alone, then he is in active addiction.

There's nothing you can do. You can distance yourself from him for your own sanity. And let him know when he contacts you again that you are doing this.

If he chooses to get help (and only he can make that decision), be there for him.

Know that a person in active addiction, while responsible for their actions, aren't who they have the potential to be.

I hope he gets the help he needs before he ends up in jail, in an institution, or dead. Because those are the three options for an active addict.

I hope this helps. You can also get some help around this issue from a group called Al-Anon.

Blogger Phoenixboi said...
Funny that mate when I saw you post his pic up a couple of days ago I was gonna say to you isnt that the guy who went a freaky last yr and got high on some drug and did a similar thing? and I remember back then how excited you were that he came to visit you and how horrible it was in the end. Mate people dont change. Sad fact you might think they do or they might say they have but once rotten always rotten.

Mate! Answer ure phone will ya!!

Blogger Tay Hota said...
hmmm.. glad I don't know your friend after all, but if he comes back to greensboro, come with! ; )

Blogger steve'swhirlyworld said...
Friends don't do stuff like that to each other - I would have left way before you did.

As for drinking, I'm pretty much a NON drink can really mess me up the next day - I'm a light weight's not appealing at all. That happened in my 30s...

Blogger patti_cake said...
It sounds to me like you did all you could. I hope your friend is okay too but he's a big boy and should know better. Okay taking the Mom hat off now :)

Blogger potusol said...
There comes a point with people where you can only do so much. He obviously had a different agenda and you weren't included. At least you got to connect with another friend. I'm sure he'll be okay, they always are. And it's not a question of learning, you always hope for the best with friends, at least you should. ; )

Blogger Phoenixboi said...
Mate.. can I ask you something.. and you know Im going to tell you straight... why is it that if your trying to give up alcohol you have so called "friends" who constantly bring you the shit? Mate these people are not true friends, especially the ones who read your blog and know what your trying to do. Also if you have started your new medication isnt it a prerequisite that you dont drink??

Honestly mate. These people are bad news. I know ultimately it is your decision to drink or not to drink but if the temptation is constantly put in front of your face by so called friends, then they are not worth the space or time in your life.

Take this as you will mate.

Blogger Jason said...
I think you handled the situation the best you could. I've found myself in similar situations over the years, and at some point they need to grow up. I've found myself making excuses for them and taking blame for things that are their responsibility. That was the wakeup call. I've learned that some friends make their friendship "conditional", which can be sad but I try and stay true to myself and help where I can. Friendships cannot survive when they're so one-sided.

Blogger vuboq said...
I totally *heart* Tarkan!!!

Blogger Rian said...
I almost met Tarkan last week. He's on tour and he wanted to sing in Stuttgart. We tried to get an appointment for an interview for our radio show. They agreed many months ago and we were looking forward to that date. But just a week before the concert we got a call from the management that they need to cancel the entire concert in Stuttgart (and many other German cities). So unfortunately I didn't talk to him this time. Maybe another time ...

Blogger Stephen said...
OMG! Glad I popped by again. Tarkan is HOT! This is the first I've ever seen of him.

Links to this post:
Create a Link