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So initially we spent a lot of time together, her, me, my biological father and my girlfriend (and subsequent wife). We took a couple vacations together, met up for birthdays, Christmas, went out to dinner at least every couple weeks. Let's just say we were pretty close. Things started to change right after I got married. They were at my wedding, as were my bio-grandparents and a couple Aunts. They are very sweet people, my biological family, and have always tried to make me feel loved, accepted etc. I wasn't looking for that necessarily, having been raised by the most amazing mother, father & stepdad you could ask for. I never wanted for anything (and still don't), but the outpouring of affection and attention was amazing. I am lucky in that respect, so many adoptees find something much more disturbing when (and if) they search out their biological families.

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After my marriage things started to change (as I said) my bio-mom and my mother had an argument. I suppose it was terribly petty, but you could tell my Mother really didn't want to be around her anymore. She was hurting and I could see it. I started to distance myself from my birthmother at that point, and it only got worse when I started having children. I felt that having both of them at family events from that day forward would cause my Mom to feel second to the woman who gave birth to me. I couldn't ever tolerate that, she is my only mother, and I love her with all my heart. So I started seeing less and less of my birthmother, soon we were reduced to phone calls on holidays/birthdays and maybe annual visits. Then she divorced my birthfather and became sort of a recluse. I have only seen him once since, when his mother passed away in 2000. We don't even speak on the phone anymore.

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My birthmother and I keep in touch to a degree, I've been to her apartment perhaps twice in the past couple years, and we call each other occasionally. Strangely enough she has moved in across the street from my condo this past June. She called me once, I missed it and she left no message. This seems to be pretty common with us lately. She hasn't been here to my condo, and I have not seen her new apartment. I suppose we may get in contact in the near future, but who knows. I will place the Happy Birthday call tomorrow (as I have always done) maybe she will answer, maybe I'll get voicemail. I won't be happy or upset either way. It's just my way of letting her know I am thinking of her (she is estranged from her siblings so I doubt they will be phoning her up) .

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I spent sooo much time tweaking this video I made yesterday. I am such an amateur when it comes to this stuff, I finally gave up and uploaded what I accomplished thus far. Oh it's really bad, the music is off, the speed makes you dizzy when watching. Let's just say it's a mess, and I'm none too happy it didn't get uploaded yesterday as I was trying to make that a daily video blog. Well it was captured yesterday, doesn't that sorta count? I think I need a lesson from Mr. Adam, who is incredibly creative. Check out his videos (and podcasts) if you get the chance, completely amazing stuff.

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Guess who is running late yet again...

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