Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Way Back birthmother

I met my birthmother after an exhaustive search when I was 20. The story is detailed on my sidebar drop-down (Favorite posts) or by clicking here . Since tomorrow is her 56th birthday I thought I would make this brief post about her since my adoption story pretty much leaves off soon after we were re-united.

So initially we spent a lot of time together, her, me, my biological father and my girlfriend (and subsequent wife). We took a couple vacations together, met up for birthdays, Christmas, went out to dinner at least every couple weeks. Let's just say we were pretty close. Things started to change right after I got married. They were at my wedding, as were my bio-grandparents and a couple Aunts. They are very sweet people, my biological family, and have always tried to make me feel loved, accepted etc. I wasn't looking for that necessarily, having been raised by the most amazing mother, father & stepdad you could ask for. I never wanted for anything (and still don't), but the outpouring of affection and attention was amazing. I am lucky in that respect, so many adoptees find something much more disturbing when (and if) they search out their biological families.
After my marriage things started to change (as I said) my bio-mom and my mother had an argument. I suppose it was terribly petty, but you could tell my Mother really didn't want to be around her anymore. She was hurting and I could see it. I started to distance myself from my birthmother at that point, and it only got worse when I started having children. I felt that having both of them at family events from that day forward would cause my Mom to feel second to the woman who gave birth to me. I couldn't ever tolerate that, she is my only mother, and I love her with all my heart. So I started seeing less and less of my birthmother, soon we were reduced to phone calls on holidays/birthdays and maybe annual visits. Then she divorced my birthfather and became sort of a recluse. I have only seen him once since, when his mother passed away in 2000. We don't even speak on the phone anymore.
My birthmother and I keep in touch to a degree, I've been to her apartment perhaps twice in the past couple years, and we call each other occasionally. Strangely enough she has moved in across the street from my condo this past June. She called me once, I missed it and she left no message. This seems to be pretty common with us lately. She hasn't been here to my condo, and I have not seen her new apartment. I suppose we may get in contact in the near future, but who knows. I will place the Happy Birthday call tomorrow (as I have always done) maybe she will answer, maybe I'll get voicemail. I won't be happy or upset either way. It's just my way of letting her know I am thinking of her (she is estranged from her siblings so I doubt they will be phoning her up) .
I spent sooo much time tweaking this video I made yesterday. I am such an amateur when it comes to this stuff, I finally gave up and uploaded what I accomplished thus far. Oh it's really bad, the music is off, the speed makes you dizzy when watching. Let's just say it's a mess, and I'm none too happy it didn't get uploaded yesterday as I was trying to make that a daily video blog. Well it was captured yesterday, doesn't that sorta count? I think I need a lesson from Mr. Adam, who is incredibly creative. Check out his videos (and podcasts) if you get the chance, completely amazing stuff.
Guess who is running late yet again...
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Blogger daveincleveland said...
you dear friend remind me so much of me, you are a good son for remembering your b/moms birthday..i still go to cemetery every 8/17 and leave flowers for my mom....

You love your family a lot, birth and adoption. Even through a lot of pain and misunderstanding. I'm not fluffing you here, but I admire that, I really do.

Blogger patti_cake said...
You are such a good man for being so sensitive to your adoptive mother's feelings. I think alot of people would have focused more on their birth mother. Happy Birthday to her. Sad that she's become so reclusive and is estranged from her family

Blogger Jim said...
At least she knows the door is open :)

Blogger Miladysa said...
I think it is wonderful that you received such a positive response from your 'birth' family.

You are a good son to both of them :]

Blogger Kalvin said...
That's too bad that things somewhat deteriorated. But it sounds like you handled things well.

Blogger Derek said...
I'm so glad you brought Way Back Wednesday! I've missed them. I'm glad your getting good feedback. Hug bud!

Blogger DanNation said...
I only have my birthgrandmother left since my mother died in 1999. She was the age that you mention in your post...

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